The Card

– Posted in: Foot in Mouth, Guilt, Misunderstandings, Mouths of Babes, Worst Mom Moments

XLMIC, who blogs at Taking It On, submitted this story about a disappointing Mother’s Day that became so much more.

I opened the plain white, slightly rumpled, nondescript business envelope with ‘Mom’ written on the front and drew out the raggedly-cut, crookedly-folded in half piece of red construction paper.  Written on it in silver chicken-scratch was the following:

You are my mother.
You make delicious dishes.
I like you a lot.

I couldn’t help myself.  I was so utterly disappointed.  It felt like an after-thought.  It smacked of annoyed obligation and haste.  Something he was forced to do at school while he would much rather be doing something else.

This 10-year old child is such a talented artist.  And he has beautiful penmanship.  I would move mountains to help him and dive in front of an out-of-control bus to save him… and he knows it.  It didn’t feel fair that the best effort he could muster was this.  And the strongest emotion he could find for me was ‘like.’ 

‘I like you a lot.’  Ouch.

He was away on a field trip when I opened this Mother’s Day card.  It was a long field trip to a place very, very far away.  His fifth grade class made these cards right before they went on this trip.  I knew he had been distracted and extremely anxious about this field trip… I worked hard to chalk up the seeming lack of effort and enthusiasm to this.  I was unsuccessful.

My disappointment didn’t diminish; it grew.  And when he arrived home it was hard to not blurt this out right away, yet I managed to contain it.  But not for long.

“So what was up with that Mother’s Day card?” I asked him the next day.

“I made you one… didn’t you get it?” was his very defensive reply.  “I told X to be sure to give it to you since I was going to be gone.”

“She gave it to me,”  I said.  And I half-flipped it to him, half-handed it to him.  “I am really unimpressed.”

His eyes welled up with tears as he took it in his hands.  He started sputtering some something.

“Don’t bother,”  I said.  “Your teacher told me she gave you all an hour and a half to work on this.  I’ll bet you were reading your book until 5 minutes before time was up and then whipped this crap out in 90 seconds and went back to your book.”

The tears were on the verge of spilling over.  He found his voice.

“I worked really hard on it, mom,” were his quiet yet clear words.

“Well, you sure couldn’t tell.  Your teacher suggested to you all to write a poem.  And you come up with this teensy, scrawly mess.  You ‘like’ me?  You like me ‘a lot’?  That really hurts… a LOT.  And you sure seem to be able to come up with some amazing art for grandma whenever you make something for her.  But what do I get?  This.”

“Mom, it’s a haiku,” he said.

And we both began to cry.

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14 Comments… add one

PartlySunny December 28, 2010, 2:27 am

This is one of the bravest, most honest things I've read in a long time. I can't stop thinking about it. Probably because it's something I could see myself doing, and that really hurts (the best, most truthful writing always touches a nerve). XLMIC said this was extremely difficult to write, but it's given her and her son another opportunity to further process this experience together. What can I say — we aim to please.:)

-Tammy (World's Worst Moms)

Krumpledwhiskers December 28, 2010, 10:07 am

I understand the disappointment. Last year I was left out of Cady's family picture that she drew at school. Cady, Dad, Coben.

Getrealmommy December 28, 2010, 11:09 am

oh this one pretty much brought me to tears. Brutal for both of you 🙁

julie gardner December 28, 2010, 1:04 pm

I remember holding back tears last Mother's day while I was hosting a party for extended family members – my kids appeared to have nothing to give me. After everyone left, they pulled out the cards and gifts they'd made me. They said they hadn't wanted the other moms to feel bad so they waited until we were alone. 'd completely underestimated their thoughtfulness. I guess it's easy to fall victim to the raw emotions of motherhood. Thanks for being so honest.

trydefyinggravity December 28, 2010, 3:10 pm

wow. so raw and honest. a kick in the gut, no doubt. I could feel the pain on both sides. wow.

Verity December 28, 2010, 11:37 pm

Yep, made me cry. I've been thinking about this all day, too. I read it on my phone at work earlier and didn't have time to process. Read it again and turns out I have been processing all day. I could so see myself saying exactly that. I feel like so often I am overlaying my expectations over reality. Expectations that are probably so high to meet. Then my husband says something like, QueenBee wants to please you so much. Ouch….Thank you for writing and sharing this.

maggi b. December 29, 2010, 12:25 am

My children actually tease me now that I liked store bought cards better than homemade when they were growing up. I sort of did. To me, their going to the store and picking one out showed more effort and love on their parts than the hurried messages scrawled on construction paper with promises to make breakfast that never came true. Now I see it's all good. We were all doing the best we could even if it didn't seem so at the time. You are so much more than this story and so is your son.

KD January 3, 2011, 1:30 am

Touching, really.

It's easy to be so critical, so quickly, and that hurt look that you receive cuts just as deeply. I know that from when I've done it to my son, and I can remember it from when my mom has done the same to me.

Now that I'm a mother, I am a lot more forgiving to my own mother. It's a hard job.

Thanks for sharing.

Amanda February 19, 2011, 9:50 am

This is so sweet and touching. I love Marjorie at Taking It On! IN fact, that's how I found you because I googled her to find her blog really quick and your blog came up. Happy to find you too. 🙂

Amanda April 7, 2011, 12:31 am

This is so sweet and touching. I love Marjorie at Taking It On! IN fact, that's how I found you because I googled her to find her blog really quick and your blog came up. Happy to find you too. 🙂

Krumpledwhiskers April 7, 2011, 12:31 am

I understand the disappointment. Last year I was left out of Cady's family picture that she drew at school. Cady, Dad, Coben.

julie gardner April 7, 2011, 12:31 am

I remember holding back tears last Mother's day while I was hosting a party for extended family members – my kids appeared to have nothing to give me. After everyone left, they pulled out the cards and gifts they'd made me. They said they hadn't wanted the other moms to feel bad so they waited until we were alone. 'd completely underestimated their thoughtfulness. I guess it's easy to fall victim to the raw emotions of motherhood. Thanks for being so honest.

ivebeenthereclaire.com February 17, 2012, 10:35 am

Awwwww….been there. Every mom has a “Mommie Dearest” story. If they say they don't, they're lying! Thanks for your honesty.

Ricki Horror August 3, 2012, 11:33 pm

Wow. Powerful stuff, sister.

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