We’ve tried pretty hard not to cuss around the kids. In part because my now-8-year-old son, Newt, had a mimicking issue as a younger child. When he started saying, “Shit,” we blamed it on my mom. When he pointed out the semi “Frucks” — with a very soft “r” — as we were driving down the road, I could always blame bad annunciation. Unfortunately, when he picked up, “Damn it,” I pretty much had nowhere else to go (incidentally, it was pretty amusing when he adjusted it to, “Damgit” in an effort to make it socially acceptable).
So tonight, while I was quietly sitting on the couch, the boy suddenly popped up out of nowhere with this bit of news.
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| Photo by Kriss Szkurlatowski |
Newt: “I know the S-word. And the F-word. And the H-word.”
Me: “Yeah?” Great.
Newt: “Yeah. Oh, and the C-word.”
Me: Oh dear lord. “The C-word. Okaaaay.”
Newt: “Yeah. Wanna hear them.”
Me: “Uh, sure. Fire away.”
Newt: “Okay. The S-word is shit.”
Me: “Yeah.”
Newt: “The F-word is. . . fitch.”
Me: “Nope.”
Newt: “No, no, wait. . . futch.”
Me: “Not quite.”
Newt: “I don’t know. I can’t remember that one.”
Me: “Probably best. It’s a bad one.”
Newt: “Anyway, the H-word is hell. Which. . . I don’t even understand why that’s a bad word.”
Me: “Well, yeah, I mean, theoretically it’s a place, but if you use it in context, it becomes a problem.”
Newt: “Right. And then the C-word. . . is crap.”
Me: Oh thank you baby Jebus. “Ah. Yes.”
Newt: “So today, I told Matthew to go to the H-word!” Laughs maniacally.
Me: “Uh huh. Very funny. Okay, just as long you know you’re not supposed to actually use any of those. And they sound really tacky coming out of kids’ mouths.”
Newt: “No — yeah, I know.”
Oh well. Damgit. I’m sure this is just the futchin’ beginning.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
O, man. My 12-yr old didn't even talk about bad words until he was at least 9 (I made the mistake of watching "Spaceballs" with him… "mom, what's an 'a**hole'?") but his 6-yr old little brother is more than making up for his late start. A classmate has taught the whole 1st grade all about sex (rolling my eyes because I heard what his lesson was) and all the real bad words. Now my younger son is running around singing The Name Game using the name "Chuck". But yeah, whew on that c-word!
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To be fair, he will be 9 in November. So I shouldn't make him out to be more "worldly" than he is. I very vividly remember being in 3rd grade and learning all the curse words. So I guess this is about right.
And by the way, thanks very much to Dav Pilkey for writing the Ook and Gluk books and doing the whole, "Name not Glook. Name Gluk. Rhyme with Duck." Like that's going anywhere good.
*Wiping sweat from my brow* Whew! Lets see how long 'crap' holds it's place…he's going to have middle school coming up before you know it! And you know those middle schoolers act like H-word-ians!
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I am not proud to admit that we came to accept the word "crap" in our house a few years ago (11 and 14 now). It was not a gateway bad word, but gave us all something to say when we really needed it (ok, mainly me)—it takes on many variations to suit the circumstances…crappery, crappidocious, crapfest….I do love the "I don't know why hell is a bad word"
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Hee! My son learned "bitch" on the bus (yay), and he soon after asked about the "f" word. He knows there is one, but he wasn't sure about it. He came home one day telling me kids were wearing bad words on their shirts. He then asked if the "f" word was the same as the "b" word, only it started with an "f." He thought the shirts everyone wears that say Fitch were f-bombing the world. 😀
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Sort of like when my then-7-year (with 5 year old sister listening to every word) explained that sometimes "pussy" meant kitty cat, but if someone called you a "pussy" that's not what they meant and it meant something bad. He thought that the bad version of the word had something to do with going pee (evidently it had enough in common with the word "piss" that he thought they might share similar meaning). I said clearly and directly "no, that is not what it means," Then I held my breath, waiting for him to ask the next question. But he never asked. He changed the subject as I exhaled as discretely as possible.
hahahaha… can't help laughing at this one! Although I know I'd probably freak out when comes my time to handle the C-word. You were totally cool about it, though! Even if it's only for appearance sake 😉
H-word-ians. . . that's hysterical.
I say crap all the time. It's terrible, but I can't help it. Gotta say I love "crappery" and "crappidocious." At least you're being creative.;)
That's one of THE BEST stories I've heard. My husband and I were just talking about how good kids are about taking certain language rules and applying them in a blanket sort of way. See — your kid is just smart.
Classic. That's one of those moments where you wish you were driving down the street and could point out some crazy looking dog or some other distraction. That's always been my strategy.
Definitely just for appearance sake!
Very funny. Kids do listen more than we think. And when he does discover the 'C' word then you will lose him for a few years while chasing the elusive– you hope- aroma that will bend his mind. 'Til then he's all yours– enjoy.
Dannie, you cheeky little monkey. . .
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That is so funny.
I can remember being in the van, saying "freakin' and baby 3 going, "MOM!! THE F WORD!"
I'm surprised my kids don't think the same thing. I say "frickin'" and "freakin'" all the time. I don't know. I GUESS it's better.
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