So I woke up to an email that made my blood boil this morning. A friend sent me this:
I’m only sharing this with you because we are pretty similar in a lot of ways, and I think you’ll get my sheer outrage. My son has been the victim of sexual assault, harrassment and bullying in his classroom at school. The teacher knew about it when it was name-calling, and did nothing. The names? Bilbo Baggins and Shia Labeouf. Now, look those names up on urbandictionary.com to see their meanings. My son told the teacher it bothered him, and for him to look the words up. He didn’t. Then the boy perp started mooning my son at close range. My son ignored him. My son isn’t a “cool” kid. He’s a geek. A stone-cold geek. But he has a heart of gold, and would do anything for anyone. So Monday, the teacher decided to leave the class to their own devices, and went into his office. My son decided to start writing in his notebook. The perp decided to pull his pants down and place his bare ass on the back of my son’s neck.
He told the teacher, who assured my son he’d have a “talk” with the kid and his parents.
I went nuts. I contacted the school and said that was sexual assault. Long story less long…we are having a meeting today. I am freaking LIVID. The worst part is? The teacher tried to talk this kid up to me, and my son, on separate occasions. To let us know he was really a good kid who just “wasn’t thinking.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
********
My husband’s first reaction to this was that the kid should’ve stuck a pencil up the other kid’s ass or grabbed him by the balls and given them a hardy tug. Which I’m all for if it didn’t mean my friend’s son would get in big trouble. It seems like these situations always get chalked up to “boys will be boys” until the boys who deem it “boy-worthy” are the underdogs.
Incidentally, my daughter said she definitely wouldn’t want to keep that pencil anymore. To which my husband said, maybe it could just be the pencil used for jabbing jerks in the butt. And that’s what you could tell the guy. Because, you know, you’d hate to waste a pencil.
And the teacher? I know this teacher. He’s the guy who’s so insecure about himself that he actually feels the need to have the popular kids like him instead of being an adult and doing his freaking job.
My friend is going in for a meeting today. She’s written a very formal, non-confrontational email, and she’s gearing herself up to stay really, really calm. I’m channeling all of her pissed-off energy for her…
And just to throw a bit of weirdness into the mix — I’ve been thinking of writing about this “theme” for my fiction piece tomorrow. Oh, life and art.
So what do you guys think?
For an update on this situation, go here.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
well, sticking the pencil would be an act of rape,no matter how justified. Rape isn’t an answer. Sounds like the teacher at bare minimum needs some sensitivity training about bullying, as does the entire school. Where were the other kids? Mom sounds like she is handling it well and perhaps the cops should be told – no one could do that to you on the street.
(And what school was it? let me know privately.)
Good point (haha, point).
School is not in Reno.
If the school doesn’t suspend the student immediately the parents should contact the superintendent (and maybe a lawyer). The teacher should be reprimanded for not addressing the situation sooner. The victim should be treated with respect.
We all know if a boy had done this to a girl this would have been handled very differently. This is bullying and sexism all rolled up into one big, bad, and sad mess.
K.M. OSullivan recently posted..Picture This: The Cement Slide
Yep. There are so many “tests” that should be applied to this. If it were a girl, if it didn’t happen in school, if it happened to a stranger. People get blinded by the details.
I would really like to know how this turns out for your friend. Kids will be kids and do stupid things but when it has been taken to the next level of stupidity then it is not childhood fun, it’s harassment and bullying. I hate to say get the cops involved but if the school refuses to acknowledge the issue then you NEED their involvement. The name calling is despicable beyond words (and YES! words DO hurt at that level of spoken putrid), any private body parts shown in class is sexual harassment, and what the hell is the teacher doing LEAVING his classroom unattended???????
Apology letters should be written to your son from all the kids involved. Reading them out loud in class would be even better and a great deterrent for future perpetrators. Humble pie is un-tasty and very effective.
I’ve been through this with both my girls in one way or another. We just got through a Facebook scandal with another girl acting like my daughter on FB and saying rotten things to their classmates.
Ugh, Facebook. That sounds like a flippin’ nightmare.
The boy who was assaulted should be given a choice…..switch schools (any school the parents/kid want) at the districts expense. Or the bully needs to be expelled and switched to the nearest district school.
Rebecca recently posted..Joey My Sweet Boy
Not a bad idea. I don’t think I’d want to go to school with him.
wow. I am almost speechless. I would be livid, and at the same time so sad for my son that he’s had to go through this. Which would make me even more mad. I don’t know exactly what I would do, but I certainly would do something and wouldn’t stop until it had been made right.
Judy recently posted..Potato
I know. She’s staying amazingly calm. Way more mature than I think I might be.
What do I think? I am too agitated to even try to form a complete thought. I do not know the age of the boy (not that it matters, just trying to put it into perspective with my own kids). I hope her son has friends who, with his parents, will help him rise up and above the actions of one complete jackass. (Well, two when you count the teacher)…keep us posted!
Andrea recently posted..P is for…
I know. When she first wrote the email, I kind of flipped out.
27-year veteran teacher’s perspective here:
Teachers in ALL states are MANDATED reporters. This means it is not our choice whether or not to report, whether “boys will be boys” or not!
I had a student five years or so ago who said he’d blow up graduation. I said, “Tell me right now you’re joking” which I was pretty sure he was. He refused. I had to call security. Our school cop (an actual officer of our city police dept.) visited the home. The kid was suspended and put up for expulsion. Eventually he admitted it was just a sick joke. But guess what? I don’t read minds and I’m not ALLOWED to decide he was just kidding. (What if he had done it?)
The teacher ought to be up for losing his credential. This means not just his job–he could be NOT allowed to teach again in ANY state. It is THAT big a deal. This MUST be reported to social services. The principal, at the very least, needs to climb up that teacher’s butt! (Sorry for the image.)
RAISE A STINK, MOM! If you must, call an attorney! Not only will you be helping your son to know that you take him seriously. You may be saving some future other victim’s life AND you may be saving the bully who clearly needs some kind of help, and fast!
PLEASE TAMMY FORWARD THIS TO YOUR FRIEND!!! Give her my personal e-mail if she’d like my support.
If I sound hysterical, it’s because I teach alternative high school kids and many of them are in alternative because some trauma like this happened. Thank God for the writer’s son that he has parents who will fight for him.
Teachers like that make me want to SCREAM! They give us a bad name.
I love that you’re a teacher and are the one coming down hardest on this guy.
As a veteran teacher and parent, I’m deeply, deeply troubled by this incident. The parent is justified in being livid, the kid is right to assert injury. The teacher was out of line and I question his judgment; I’m not sure I would feel that my child (or any child) could be safe in his class, and that is the bare-bones minimum we require of schools. Any ‘meeting’ should resolve safety issues for ALL children, as well as the aggrieved.
The perpetrator worries me; we can anticipate that this behavior will escalate, and we can guess that this isn’t his first dip in the creepy-sex-power-sadism pool. This is not ‘normal’ behavior for either elementary school or older children. This kid has some issues (substance, mental health, sexual trauma) that make it essential to take actions that keep him away from other children.
It does make you wonder what’s up with this kid. And I also wonder what the dynamic was in the room that led the other kids to just stand by and watch it all go down. I guess just mob mentality. Being afraid to do anything. Being afraid that your opinion that “this is wrong” will be shouted down.
But yes, I think he needs some serious help.
Please do keep us posted on what happens. As a parent of a son who has been bullied, I’m very curious to see how the district handles this.
I didn’t know you’d been going through this. I’m sorry.:(
Cripes. The little cheek spreader should be analyzed by social services at the very least and the victim must be coddled and respected. We all know this. I hate assholes.
I know. Me too. And this kid really, really was an asshole.
I would be ALL over doing MAMA BEAR at the school. I have met with the principle over less. Go get ’em!!
Big time Mama Bear.
Okay, now I understand this incident happened to your friend & her son, not you. But still, you’ve shared it so that’s awesome in and of itself for anyone, such as me, who has had to deal with a similar situation.
The best way to promote bullying is for the bystanders, but particularly the people in authority (in this case the teachers) to do NOTHING to intervene, even when they know first-hand it’s going on.
It’s not the bullies & their victims we have to get at – it’s the ones who stand back and watch it unfold, as if they are some kind of God looking down from heaven at human atrocity and refusing to intervene because of that pesky “gift” known as free will. When a child’s “will” is being humiliated and abused, there is nothing free about it and it certainly isn’t a gift.
Lala Musing recently posted..RHOV: MARY ZILBA AND THE BULLY EFFECT
I think trying to get kids — people for that matter — to intervene in a bad situation is a difficult task. It takes serious self-esteem. And you have to be outgoing. And confident that you’re in the right. And willing to have the focus of the bullying turned on you. So many factors. It’s a tough place to be in. But I don’t disagree. It’s the same as adults standing up for those who don’t have a voice and being willing to be in some uncomfortable situations.