Do What I Say, Not What I Do: Advice for Newbie Bloggers

My friend, Bel, just started a gardening blog called Green Out Every Window, and unfortunately for her, I’m the most experienced blogger she knows. I’ve been attempting to help her through some of the things that once took me ten hours in the hopes that maybe they’ll only take her two. It’s like the blind leading the blind through a muddy corn maze.

That said, I had insomnia last night, and I started thinking about some of the stuff I’ve learned, lo these long and lonely days (my two year blogoversary is April 11th). One good tip — steal ideas from your friends. So today I’m putting a spin on a post from the Empress over at Good Day Regular People that originally ran at Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip. Her piece was about peer pressure — basically advice moms give to their kids that they should actually be giving to themselves.

So here’s my unlicensed, low-klout-scoring, clearly-not-very-successful advice to new bloggers in the form of “Stuff I’m trying to teach my kids that I should really be applying to my blogging.” Of course, if you’re a new blogger, you don’t even know what a klout score is, so why do you care? Hell, I barely care. So, moving on.

1)  The things that make you different are the same things that make you interesting. Don’t try to be like everyone else. There are already so many everyone else’s out there. Blogging is like the music industry, book publishing, and high school — everyone’s always trying to put you into a category or a box. Don’t cut off your edges to make yourself fit.

2)  Tell the Truth. Some of the posts that I’ve gotten the most response from are the ones that have caused me to hesitate to hit “publish.” Which leads me to number three. . .

3)  Be brave. If you’re afraid to do something, do it (I mean, as long as it isn’t physically dangerous or illegal). If you have something to say, say it — don’t do it anonymously. Have some ovaries for God’s sake. Not everyone is going to agree with you, and that’s fine. If they did, we wouldn’t have wars, multiple political parties, or Real Housewives of New Jersey.

4)  Don’t talk behind people’s backs. If you’re going to write something, make sure you’d be cool saying it to that person’s face. Because they will find your blog. I’m gonna say that again. They WILL find your blog.

5)  It’s not all about you. Blogging isn’t just about being a good writer. It’s basically about being a good friend. When you leave a comment, make sure you talk about the post you just read — don’t just go there to promote your own blog. And when you tweet, don’t just tweet about your posts. Comment on other people’s tweets and retweet. Incidentally, this is all a lot of work. I’m not going to lie. And I’m probably one of the worst people when it comes to this because I’m terrible about trying to keep up on everyone’s blogs (actually, my biggest problem is getting on a blog and spending way too much time there before moving on). I’m also tweet deficient. But you can’t be all things to all people. Which leads to number six. . .

6)  Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Now that you’ve read this incredibly helpful list, you realize the importance of making contact with other people. But the fact is, you still need to write your own stuff. And, much more importantly, if you have any kind of life outside of blogging — i.e. humans who’d appreciate it if you’d look up from your computer when they talk to you — well, you might want to remember them. Which leads to. . .

7)  Life is all about balance. I could google the stats on how many blogs start and end in a year, but I’m frankly too tired to do that right now. Suffice to say, there are a ton. One reason is because people start out of the gate like gangbusters, posting like mad, tweeting their little smartphone fingers to the bone, and joining every community with a cute name and a friend list. And then one day, they look up from their computer, notice that they can’t actually recall the last time they had a conversation with a live human, see that their baby is stuck to the kitchen floor because it hasn’t been mopped since that orange juice incident last Christmas, and realize they can’t get dressed because every last pair of underwear in the house is in the huge pile of dirty laundry. And then, after becoming slightly horrified by the fact that their first inclination was not to act but instead to tweet about it, they officially drive themselves into blogger burnout.

Actually, that’s blogger burnout scenario number one. Number two is sudden and total disdain for writing. They come to completely despise and resent the one thing that used to bring them happiness. It becomes a duty and a chore. The honeymoon is over.

So while it’s true that I don’t have a thousand followers, and I don’t post very often (for various and complicated reasons), I’m still here. Because I’m doing what’s right for me, not what’s right for everyone else. And balancing the best that I can (even though that looks like five elephants trying to do a pyramid on a tightrope most of the time).

8) And finally. . . Keep your dignity. There are so many people out there vying for so little attention. Sometimes blogging feels like being the grandchild of a polygamist cult leader at a family dinner — “Look at me, Grandpa! Look at me!” Before you put up a photo of your kid or tell a story that might be embarrassing or do anything that exploits someone else for your own gain, think about how you’d feel if someone did the same thing to you.

(Incidentally, referencing polygamist cult leaders and their offspring under the “dignity” lesson may indicate that I may not be the most reliable person on this matter.)

So there you have it. Rules to burn into your brain and live by. Laws for life that will surely make you rich and famous. Or at least lower-middle-class and well-known within your household.

And by they way, I would’ve put in number nine, “Don’t steal,” but I figured the Empress would find me and bludgeon me with her opera glasses — she’s got a temper like you wouldn’t believe.;)