Do You Need 10 Excuses to Go Nuts?

Meet Sili, mother to “frog princess” and the “Chief Executive Mami” of MyMamihood.com. After what can only be described as a rough year, she’s laying it all out on the table. Apparently she’s having a “Come to World’s Worst Moms Moment.”

Random Thoughts (10 to be exact) That Lead Me To Believe I Might Be Losing My Mind

Over the last year I’ve had quite a few OhEmGee moments. I won’t bore you with the deets but, suffice it to say that, I would totally have a nervous breakdown if I had a few million dollars in the bank, a compound and a nanny to care for the kid while I was locked up in the east wing of my mansion after being medicated by a doctor that makes house calls. Alas, that is not possible and thus, here I am.

I have been compiling a secret list in my head of things make me think I might be losing my mind. My good friend Not Blessed Mama assures me that I should share it with you all but, I’m not sure if this will get me sympathy or Baker Acted. Seeing as I’m not all that stable these days, I’m up for some risky moves so, here it is!

1. If death was a person, I’d probably stalk it after he came out of work, stab him a little (just enough to incapacitate him) throw a pillow case over his head and then take him to his home where I would finish him off for his family to see. Dying sucks. It’s not like the movies where someone takes one breath, tells you the one thing you need to hear and then sigh and BAM they’re gone. You might think that’s nuts but, my mami died in February so, that entitles me to feel this way (or so my grief counselor tells me. Apparently, I’ve reverted back to the “anger” stage).

2. Some mornings, I let the kid eat Goldfish before actually having breakfast. I mean, she did say please and signed it too! That has to be rewarded, no?

3. There have been a couple of days in these last few weeks that I have fed my frog princess those little Chef Boyardee meals that I swore I’d never give her. I figure it’s an improvement over the Goldfish but not by much (the Goldfish are, after all, BAKED!).

4. I haven’t shaved in a month. I’d totally be shaving now but I packed up the razors and have no clue which f’ing box they’re in. I’m scared to call my aesthetician because waxing is going to hurt like hell unless I get this action under control first.

5. I lost my job a couple of weeks ago while in the middle of a move. I just finished the move today (finally) but have yet to come up with some viable, perfect mami routine. Perhaps because I’m trying to figure out where to put all this shit! I moved into my mom’s house and it appears that no one has really paid attention to clearing out, decluttering, etc. since she got sick so, I need to figure out a game plan on how to get it done. I haven’t been home with the frog princess since I was high on the hormones during maternity leave. I feel like I should have a perfect stay-at-home mami schedule but, where do I start? Should I go to all those activities I cursed while I was working because they didn’t occur over the weekend when I had time to take her? I probably shouldn’t since I have no job and no money which brings me to

6. I haven’t been good at a budget this year (what with the mami dying and my relationship ending and now my job gone) but I probably should do something about that and stop spending $30 at Publix for ingredients for ONE meal (though I think I ate chili for a week straight. I didn’t mind. I love chili but if I keep spending like that I will have to create a formula of meals-to-frequency ratio in order to justify the ROI and did I mention I hate math?). And that reminds me

7. I cut out coupons but then either leave them in my car or forget to pull them out while at the register since I’m usually entertaining the frog princess to avoid a meltdown. I’m thinking maybe I’ll just tape them to my clothes next time that way either I’ll see them or the cashier will. Nevermind the fact that I’ll look like a deranged lunatic. I already look like this because

8. While at any store that has a shopping cart, I tend to a) push the cart and then pretend like it’s run away from me while flailing my arms and yelling no! no! in my pretend hush voice (this makes the frog princess laugh), b) sing songs that I make up in order to entertain the kid, c) talk to her and ask her opinion on meals and purchases, then when she talks back in her toddler speak, I reply back and either argue with her (if the tone of voice sounds as if perhaps she’s disagreeing with me) or thank her for her opinion and go about my business.

9. I’ve been intermittently loving the move and hyperventilating over all the shit that I’ve accumulated in my years as a grown up. I’m considering throwing everything out (as soon as I cull through it all and get emotional about the shit that I will inevitably remember from {insert time period here}). Sometimes it’s too much for me and I just sit down after the frog princess falls asleep and catch unlimited episodes of Criminal Minds (which make me feel lucky and paranoid all at once). Where the hell do I start? I’ve actually started in the kitchen but everything is like one big puzzle. I move one piece to make another piece fit in one place and then move that first piece somewhere else to make room for something or other. At this rate, I figure I should be all unpacked and decluttered by 2012 (not to mention, medicated. But not the good stuff because I have no job and thus no insurance so, probably I’ll just be drinking lots and lots of chamomile tea or some shit like that). Which brings me to

10. I could probably say my life is one big crazy disaster but, you know what? I feel pretty lucky. I have a beautiful little girl who loves me. I have a roof over my head, people that care about me (even though the bastards won’t help me cull through all these damn boxes but, I digress), my health (kinda), my bottles of wine, my blog, etc. I am secretly hoping that someone will feel sorry for me and give me a couple of writing gigs on blogs or whatever it is that people that actually know what they’re doing get paid to do. But, even through all the ups and downs I find myself pretty thankful for all that I have going on. Which is probably the #1 reason to believe I’m losing my mind.