So it’s two o’clock in the morning, and I’m (obviously) awake. Because I’m sitting in the guest room, looking at pictures, and crying about my dog.
I miss my dog.
It’s been three months since Uno died. For the most part, I feel like I’ve gotten used to the fact that he’s gone. I don’t expect him to come out every time the garage door opens. I’ve stopped imagining him lying in all his usual sleeping places. And I finally even put his food and water bowls away.
Progress.
We have some friends who just had to put their dog down. They started searching for a new one just a couple of days later. And now they have a new one. Part of me is so jealous of them. Part of me wishes we’d had a dog — a good dog — that just made us want to go out and get another dog because we’re dog people and we love dogs and that’s what people who love dogs do.
But, at the risk of sounding ridiculous or superior or whatever, we didn’t have a good dog. We had a great dog. A one-in-a-million dog. And the thought of getting another. . .
So part of me wishes we’d just had a “dog.” But the other, of course, wouldn’t have traded our one-in-a-million for anything in the world. Even though I’m up at 2 a.m. because my arms suddenly feel very empty and my hand is aching to scratch a big fuzzy head, I’m grateful that I’m losing sleep while looking through ten years worth of photos and feeling my chest burn.
Because how lucky am I to have had something so special that losing it hurts this much.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Oh, can I emphasize! In '98 I was in a car accident that I broke my neck and had spinal cord injury. Once I got home, I began thinking of a German Shepherd. I wanted the alert ears, fur, and tail. These would be similar to my beloved Norwegian Elkhound, only a bigger and leaner dog. My halo had been removed for a week when my adult daughter showed up with a Rotty puppy. "Just until I can find him a good home, Mom." Long story short, Riley became my best buddy. He carried my tears and my joys. I had to put him down on 1-11-11 b/c his hips gave out…he couldn't get up. I held his head while the vet injected him. We brought him home, all during a terrible snow storm, and buried him on the edge of the yard where he liked to watch everything going on across the road. I got a rescue dog a month later. A Cavalier mix that I thought my granddaughter would like. It was a huge mistake! I understand your thought of not just having a dog…but a good dog. Wait. One can't replace a friend like yours and mine easily. I wasn't finished grieving…I'm still grieving and its been January!
Thanks Sandi. I think only someone else who's experienced this kind of relationship can understand. And not think it's nuts.:)
It's not nuts. I have loved and lost so many furry companions in my life (8) and no matter how perfect the last one seems, it feels like no other dog will fill that void. Some might call me nuts, but you can't replace a lost loved one. Ever. My life is simply changed and expanded in different ways by the next. Each and everyone has bought both love and frustration in my life. Most of all they bring companionship and I always miss them when they are gone. I grieve and cry and MISS having that furry four-legged beast tripping me and getting under my feet (even though I cursed and swore at her when she was doing it) . Allegra, Sierra and Bear would swim and chase balls and sticks until they passed out. Our current companion Charmin hates water and hides the balls so she doesn't have to chase them. She hates other dogs and drives us crazy with how protective she is of the children. It doesn't matter. She fills a space in my life I think I will always need filled. I love how she sits on my feet to be near me. I will miss her when she is gone, but I don't think that will stop me from moving on, looking for another perfect furry companion. I am truly sorry for your loss.
My recent post Backpack? Check. Teeth Brushed? Check.
ok, this is a horrible post to put this on- but i did give you a little shout out on my blog, because i love you- http://notblessedmama.blogspot.com/2011/07/id-lik…
hope you're hanging in there mama. nothing is as hard as losing a loved one.
My recent post I'd Like To Thank The Academy.
I remember when I was in my 20's, and we had to put the family dog down.
I missed her so much that first night…hated it.
🙁
I completely understand. I had to put down my furbaby just over a year ago. There is no "getting antoher one." That's like going out and getting another child or parent. The pain gets easier to deal with. The love never leaves.
Thanks Greg. I've loved other pets — one that still gives me a little twinge when I think of her. I don't know why this is so different. Maybe because he got me through so much.
I'll take good news! Thanks for the award. I feel so special. Especially thrown in with that bunch.
Nighttime just stinks for pain of any kind. Thank you, my dearest.:)
I know. You know.
I'm just thinking it'll get better with time. That's how it's been with my mom passing away. The thing that sucks is you start to forget. And I really don't want to forget.