Driving Miss Crazy

– Posted in: Conservatives are Funny, Mean People, Politics, School, Worst Mom Rants

I almost got run off the road today. I have an Obama sticker on my car, and every once in a while, someone with a sticker “representing a view that may be perceived as different than mine” makes a point of racing around me, cutting me off, and then driving slowly in front of me. This is very mature. And quite effective as a debating tool.

So today, as I’m driving the kids to school on the freeway, some woman decides she needs to pull this on me. I wish I had some sort of sign that I could give to this type of person to let them know, “Yes, I’ve seen your little stickers. Yes, you’re super cool,” so that maybe they’d just move on. Generally I just ignore them and continue talking to the kids about more important stuff like how we should submit the school chef’s name for the next Worst Cooks in America show. But today, I was forced to pay attention.

Today, the woman with the anti-this, anti-that, Support the Troops stickers who will most likely vote for Michele Bachmann in the next election even though Michele wants to gut veterans benefits and do anything but support the troops, decided that showing me her stickers was not enough. Apparently inhibiting my ability to get off at my exit was also in her plan. And making it difficult for me to change lanes. And blocking my way into the turning lane. But here’s the best part. As I drove along, feeling like a New York cab driver, I suddenly realized — this lady is heading toward our school.

That’s right — her kid goes to school with my kids. And forget for a moment that she was trying to kill a worthless person like me and her children. She was driving like a complete ass with her kid in the car.

We pulled into the drop-off, right next to each other, and it took every ounce of Gandhi I had in me not to walk over to her, bang my hands down on the hood of her car, and ask her what her f*%$ing problem was. But I didn’t. I calmly got my kids out, kissed them on the tops of their heads, and directed them to walk behind her car — since I was frankly afraid she was such a nut that she might run them over. I didn’t even look at her. And then I drove away.

I hope she was really, really embarrassed. I hope she drove home, took a haldol, and realized what a complete ass she’d made of herself. But I doubt it. She probably switched on Limbaugh and got some more reassurance about how people like me are subhuman for having a different opinion.

I suppose I just need to remember the iconic words of Jon Stewart at The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear when he talked about all of us getting along like cars in traffic — each of us taking a turn, each of us making concessions. And that of course there will always be “a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder, and cuts in at the last minute.”

What concerns me is that I won’t even have a chance to get into traffic if someone has already run me off the road.

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