How About Baseball? Soccer? Okay, Curling.

I’m gonna go a little street-rat crazy here. . .

If you haven’t been hiding under a rock, stuck on a deserted island, or buried by the burdens of your house and children (I’m throwing in that last one because I hardly ever watched the news this summer due to the beasties), you’ve no doubt heard that we all hate Muslims.  We, meaning the United States.  Muslims, meaning anyone whose country of origin is somewhere east of us — not including Europe (except, of course, those Turks) — where people cover their heads, pray toward a loud, yelling noise a couple of times a day, and are all secretly training to be terrorists.

Also, if you haven’t been under a rock, you know that our president is actually working with these people (if you even want to call them people) to secretly destroy the country from the inside.  Starting, of course, with an elaborate plot that could only be the creation of an evil genius — it’s called “health care reform.”  Scary, I know.  But stay with me.

Intelligent people will, of course, see through this and quickly realize what’s been staring us all in the face since day one.  Day one, people!  Obama?  Osama?  I mean, come on!  Clearly our president is a closet Muslim secret terrorist who has been training in Honolulu, since birth (in Indonesia, of course), to grow up, become the first black president, and then destroy it with the slow decay of social reform.  Wah ha!  Wah ha ha ha ha!

Okay, just to be clear — for those of you who are like my husband’s grandmother and were born without a sarcasm gene — the previous three paragraphs were indeed me being sarcastic.  Don’t come throw rocks at my house.  Or, if you actually believe all of that crap, well. . . go throw rocks at your own damn house.  Because, frankly, when you spout all of this garbage and believe all of this nonsense, you are, in fact, throwing rocks at your own house.  You are trashing our country.  And that’s why I’m so street-rat crazy right now.

Today I heard that big tub of useless cellular matter (I hate even giving him one more mention in cyberspace) Rush Limbaugh call the president of the United States, “Imam Obama.”  Now, I have nothing against imams, but we all know what that jackass meant.  And frankly, it makes me want to go to the building where he works and run down the batteries on all of the portable emergency defibrillators.

For all of the flag waving and yellow ribbon magnet buying and “Restoring Honor” rallying, why has no one stood up and said, “Exactly what kind of American are you?  What kind of patriot says that about our president?”  You guys are the ones who are supposedly bringing respect back to Washington?  Are you kidding me?

The thing I find most amusing about all of this is that if aliens were studying out planet, I’ll almost guarantee you that their initial report would clump all the “one god” religions together.  That’s how a kid would do it (and yes, I’m now assuming the intelligence of life on other planets is comparable to that of my 7-year-old).  Because when it comes down to it, the Bible, the Torah, the Koran* — all pretty much the same.  All tell you to worship one guy.  All tell you to do nice stuff.  All tell you to do bat-shit crazy stuff.  All tell you to do violent stuff.  You’re all, frankly, not that different.  It’s just a matter of what flavor gets you through the day.

And don’t get all huffy and defensive with the “Of course the Bible and the Koran are different” thing.  Because that’s not the problem.  There’s one book — one book — for all the Christian religions, and you still can’t agree.  You can’t even get along within your own split-off groups.  The Catholics could never be Baptists and the Lutherans could never be Pentacostals and the Mormons, well, they’re just nuts, right?  Because one of my best friends is LDS, and she is nuts (there’s that darn sarcasm again).

So as I tell my kids when they’ve gotten past the “talking it through” point with each other and they’re just basically being whiny, pouty, and disagreeable. . . knock it off!  We’re done with this.  Move on.  And find something else to fight about.

Isn’t that why they invented sports?

*You’ll notice I capitalized all of the sacred books.  This is because I couldn’t find a clear answer as to which should and should not be capitalized, and I didn’t want some jackass to complain that I capitalized “Koran” but didn’t capitalize “Bible” and was therefore some sort of Islamic terrorist sympathizer.  Of course, if said jackass were so dense as to get to the bottom of this blog and still think that, I suppose in his mind, it would be true.  So this paragraph was sort of a waste of time.