Making Mountains Out of Polenta

– Posted in: Worst Mom Moments

Usually we like to see World’s Worst Moms posts that clearly demostrate how moms have caused temporary or permanent damage to their children.  But when Kristy Dolha of  Life — Inspired by the Wee Man sent us this description of her grocery store experience with 3-year-old Liam and 8-month-old Chloe, we kind of felt like we had to print it.  Because who hasn’t had a day like this. . .

I was doing my weekly shopping trip.  With the kids.  Now, I know that many believe that I should be prescribed medication for taking two kids, the oldest of which is 3, to the grocery store, but the alternatives just don’t work for me:

    • Wait until the evening when the hubby is home, and go solo.  I’ve done this, and the alone time is lovely.  However, I do still talk to myself (usually thinly veiled as discussing important food choices with Liam) and I also rock the empty cart, as though there is a small baby needing to be soothed.  Let’s face it, I look like a wacko.  Besides, I’m not ready to admit that I’ve stooped to the level that grocery shopping is actually an exciting night out for me.

    • Don’t eat.  I think I could live with this to avoid unnecessary purgatory, but it goes against Golden Rule of Parenting #1:  food solves many kid-problems. Always be prepared!

So, I shop with the kids.  And like so many of my rock solid mommy plans, today the timing got thwarted, just slightly.  So today I was shopping with the kids, at lunchtime.  No big deal, I thought, I was after all, at a grocery store.  If I have to open just a few of the packages before paying to keep the two wee ones from screaming, everybody wins, right?

So there we are, happily cruising the aisles, Chloe munching her rice crackers, and Liam eating a cucumber whole (yes, he bit through the plastic).  Except that we’re not happily cruising.  The bloody cart needs a wheel alignment!  The more I load into it, the more difficult it is to keep it centred, and I’m actually working up a sweat trying to keep the shelving out of reach for the two wee ones.  And I can only find half the items on my list, so we’re cruising and re-cruising and cruising again.  And the cucumber and rice crackers just aren’t cutting it and the poking and shouting and pushing and whining are really starting to grate on my nerves.

“Can I help you find something?”

“Actually yes, I’m looking for the polenta.”

“What is that?”

“It’s…er…well…you know what? Never mind.”  I’m irritated.  If you don’t know what it is, the chances that you know where it’s located are slim, and I can just feel a tantrum coming on, so we’re best to just move on.  But it bugs me because I’m sure I’ve bought it here before.  I don’t get halfway down the aisle before I hear it again.

“Can I help you find something?”

“Polenta?”

“What is that?”

As I walk away grumbling, Liam totally blows my cover by screeching, “Mommy! Don’t say that bad word!”

I resign to the fact that I’m just going to have repeat the blessed event again tomorrow, and complete the list at a different store.  I make a dash to search for one last vital, and get intercepted again.

“Can I help you find something?”

No, it’s not just that I look lost.  Actually the store is in the midst of customer feedback surveys, and clearly they want to make sure I check the box indicating that someone offered to help me.  My gut reaction is to brush the offer off, but this guy is chipper, and perky, and eager, and his uniform is different.  He’s clearly in some kind of supervisor roll.

“Well, I couldn’t find the polenta.”

“What is that?”

Now I’m ready to lose my mind, but this guy won’t let it go.  He wants to know how it’s made, and where I’ve bought it in the past, and I’m pretty sure an invitation over for dinner so he can taste it once I actually have the chance to serve it!  I practically run for the till, but then I realize that I’ve left the shopping bags in the car.  Park the cart, load up two kids and a diaper bag, return to the car, retrieve the bags, momentarily lose Liam in the parking lot and return to the cart, load the kids and diaper bag back in the cart, distribute snacks.  I’m definitely sweating by the time I get to the till.

But I was actually mad about the whole situation. I seriously considered leaving my cart full of groceries and finding a store where they know what polenta is.  It wasn’t a brief consideration, either.  I stopped to weigh the pros and cons.  I was that angry, and the anger didn’t fade throughout the afternoon.  When my husband, Nathan, got home, I recounted the whole event to him.  It wasn’t until he said, “Well it’s not like it’s something you can just pick up at the corner store,” that I realized that perhaps I was overreacting, just a smidge.

It reminds me of a venting session I was having with a girlfriend of mine a few weeks ago. She returned to her car after picking up a few things at the grocery store only to find an exasperated mother loading kids and groceries into her SUV, unaware as her door scraped up the side of my girlfriend’s car.  “I understand what’s she’s doing isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean she gets to scratch up my car!”  I laughed.  It’s true.

I laughed though, also because while I haven’t actually damaged a random stranger’s property, I have certainly found myself so engrossed in my frustration that every little task has to be complicated to the n’th degree, and can’t someone just give me a break?!  And this knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to let go of the frustration long enough to act like a rational human being.  And I’m pretty sure if I could just pause, take a breath, and relax, I would find that I’m not alone in this.

If nothing else, the parenting gig can sure make you humble!

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9 Comments… add one

crazyworldofsj November 2, 2010, 6:56 am

So What is Polenta? LOL

crazyladyx5 November 2, 2010, 8:10 am

Oh I love some good fried Polenta…

PartlySunny November 2, 2010, 11:38 am

Whoa, two crazy ladies, back to back. At least we know who our audience is.

KD November 2, 2010, 2:46 pm

See what I attract to your site? 😉

Anonymous November 2, 2010, 3:27 pm

Hilarious! Seriously…this has happened to me many times. Twice with the polenta in one day, as I ventured to both stores(yes, only 2 grocers here)with all 3 kids in tow. I get the same story for many other items…..gnocchi….love of my pasta life. It's unavailable always. Now I make it only from scratch over a deep glass of wine. Thanks KD! Alesia Dawn

KD November 2, 2010, 3:55 pm

You with the polenta, too?! Seriously, is it THAT unusual? Really…if a person wanted to make some money on an entrepreneurial venture…

Anonymous November 2, 2010, 5:07 pm

I have a solution for the kids at the grocery store…HUBBY should hit the store on the way home from work !!

Verity November 3, 2010, 7:48 pm

Yeah, but then would Hubby say, “What is polenta?”

XLMIC November 8, 2010, 12:35 am

I always feel like the poster mom for birth control when I go grocery shopping with all the kids in tow. Sounds like you held it together really well, actually 😉

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