One Hand in the Forest

I’ve been thinking about that old, philosophical question, “If a tree falls in a forest. . .” It’s come up because I’ve been wondering: If something bad happens to you and you don’t complain about it to anyone, did it actually occur? I suspect the men are going to have a much harder time with this idea than the women. Tenzin could go weeks without complaining. If I stopped bitching, I’d lose half my personality. The problem however, over the last week or so, is that so much bad stuff has been happening that I don’t even have the time or energy to bitch about it all. The bizarre result of this is the perceptual loss of space and time due to insufficiently expressed complaints.

And when I say “insufficiently,” I mean that at least one person may have heard about the crappy incident, but, based on the severity of the problem, I either didn’t get to describe it with enough detail or I needed to tell at least one other person about it. My mom being sick has definitely created a bitching conflict-of-interest vacuum that’s not helping the insufficient expression problem. It’s really hard to tell her about the 50 different ways I’m freaking out now that she’s decided to stop doing any kind of treatment. Or how the stress has caused my chronic pain syndrome to flare up to the point where I’m generally wishing someone would knock me out with a bat (yes, dear readers, I have a really awful chronic pain condition which is way too long and boring to go into right now — suffice to say, it hurts. . . a lot). So generally when it comes to my conversations with her, I try to stick to the weather.

Anyway, since this whole week has gone by without being able to bitch properly, I’m listing a quick rundown of everything I haven’t been able to get out of my system. Minus the little stuff like the mother and the chronic pain.

– Daughter gets fifth urinary tract infection in 3 months on the day before camp.
– Walgreens screws up prescription.
– Attempt to clean out coat closet is thwarted by 4-year-old who holds death-grip on lone pink glove and size 2 Elmo vest. Entire contents of closet sits on floor for 6 days as closet becomes children’s art studio.
– Dog pees on carpet twice due to panic attacks during thunderstorms.
– Husband proceeds to bleach carpet by using 4 different infomercial cleaners.
– Daughter is asked to not come back to daycamp after finishing week because she takes too long in the boudoir.
– Son develops ear infection, misses 2 out of 5 days of camp. His only 5 days of camp due to daughter’s eviction.
– Walgreens screws up prescription.
– Daughter decides to go to camp without brother, then changes mind when she arrives (after being rushed out the door, with her packed lunch and her packed clothes and her packed snack. . .).
– Go to store for half-and-half. Spend $100. Forget half-and-half.
– Dishwasher leaks all over kitchen. Because why wouldn’t it choose this week to break.
– Did I mention Walgreens?

Next time, the sound of one hand clapping. Be afraid. Be very afraid.