Slippery Little Sucker

– Posted in: Accidents, Cleaning, Grosser than Gross, Poop, Thanks for Throwing me Under the Bus Honey, Worst Mom Moments

Meet Miranda of The Frantic Ravings of a Mother. With all the stories she has to tell about having three little boys in the house, you start to get a better picture of how fraternities come up with their theme parties.

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that when you yell, the name will carry.”
                                                                                                                                              -Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby. Father. Comedian. Truth speaker.

Out of my children, the only child whose name ends with a vowel, is the child whose name I scream the most. Because I don’t believe in coincidence, it is my assumption that this is an act of God. God. Is. Hilarious.

Thing 2 has expanded his imaginative boundaries. One of his scenarios includes playing “pirates” in the toilet with his toy boat. After urging him out of the bathroom today with a growl, I then had to pull him out of the broom/AC closet.

Now, imagine a sunny day spent lounging poolside and suddenly, like a scene from Jaws, people are screaming and evacuating. Okay, it wasn’t that dramatic. Other than one woman, we were the only people swimming today, and Thing 2 wasn’t trying to munch on anyone’s backside. Though his timing of a bowel movement could have been a little better. So, I spent a good amount of time hand washing his swimming trunks while trying not to add the contents of my stomach to his soiled shorts.

Fast forward a couple of hours. After a failed nap attempt, I put a movie on for Thing 1 and Thing 2 in my bedroom so that I could feed Number 3. I heard the bathroom door open and close, and I figured that Thing 1 had to use the restroom and then returned to the bedroom. I finished feeding the baby and immediately heard Thing 1 shouting that he “was done.” So, upon depositing the baby into his crib and wiping #1, I realized the eerie silence that I had not taken note of earlier.

Seeing that #1 couldn’t rat him out (as Thing 1 is most definitely the Hall Monitor), Thing 2 took the opportunity to apply half of a container of Vaseline (according to my husband. . . I always manage to leave the Vaseline within Thing 2’s reach. . . so really “it’s all my fault”) to his blonde locks and all over half of his face.

Photo Courtesy of The Frantic Ravings of a Mother

Three shampoo applications later, I realized that the scrubbing was yielding no result.

Photo Courtesy of The Frantic Ravings of a Mother

So I consulted the internet and found that the best way to remove the petroleum jelly is to use cornstarch. As I was en route to the kitchen to find some cornstarch, I paused in the hallway because I heard a dripping sound in the vicinity of the broom/AC closet. Apparently, Thing 2’s brief jaunt in the closet allowed him to detach a pipe that was connected to the AC. Water now covered the floor of the broom/AC closet.

I mopped up the H2O and continued my search for cornstarch. You know when you get to the supermarket only to realize that you’ve forgotten your grocery list and have to rely on memory and instinct instead? Yeah.

I am out of cornstarch. . . patience. . . AND wine.

By the way, in case you were wondering what the solution for Vaseline removal is, I have it here:

Blot as much Vaseline out of the hair as possible. Do not rub because it will damage the hair. When the cornstarch has covered the hair, then wash it out with warm water and a clarifying shampoo. If the first shampoo doesn’t work, then repeat the process over the next 12-24 hours. Enjoy.

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10 Comments… add one

Dena May 27, 2011, 3:36 am

Well, here's a potential bonus. IF there was a chance he had lice, they're all suffocated now. So you killed two birds (and a whole bunch of bugs) with one stone. Should I be hoping he had lice, now?
Hope you enjoyed your bottles of wine!

notexpectingtoomuch May 27, 2011, 4:38 am

You are clearly a better mother than I am because I would have cut the hair and been done with it. 🙂

Rebecca May 27, 2011, 6:40 am

Even on a little girl, …especially on a little girl, I would have gotten out the buzzer and a buzz cut would have been in order.

Anonymous May 27, 2011, 7:32 am

OMG .. .you are my kind of MOM…

The International Laundress!

Verity May 27, 2011, 10:20 pm

Wow – that is way more vaseline than my eldest got in her hair when she was little. That memory, however, is faded by one of my twins getting a hold of the Desitin (yes, I too left it within her reach, apparently) and rubbing it ALL OVER HER FACE. She looked like Freddy Kruger (remember the white face mask). Little slits for eyes. Here is one for World's Worst Mom's: first I took a picture, THEN I rubbed enough of the desitin off of the tube to read the huge warning letters about not getting it in the eyes. Yikes!

World's Worst Moms May 28, 2011, 11:22 pm

Look at you, Dena, finding the de-lousing silver lining.

And I just saw Verity's picture. It's like looking at a very small mime who's been caught in the middle of putting on her makeup. And, yes, it's that disturbing and hysterical.

Rachael May 29, 2011, 10:08 am

I think I would have wrapped a towel around his head and sent him back to watch his movie! Maybe make him wear a hat for the next decade or so. It would have to wear off eventually right?

The good news . . . You would never have been able to find instructions on how to remove it if someone else's kid hadn't tried it first!

Barbara L May 29, 2011, 5:22 pm

One of the few things my son with the name that ends in vowel didn't try. ROFL! only because it wasn't my kid who did this.

Leah and Dean May 29, 2011, 7:11 pm

When my baby sister was about his age she used an entire jar of Vaseline to glaze the arms of my mom's new sofa!! I am 61 years old now and I can still remember that episode, hahaha!

Mom 2 Twins June 8, 2011, 7:10 pm

I'm laughing so hard my husband just peeked in to check on me! I “washed” my brother's hair with an entire jar of Vaseline when we were little. My mother swears it was the worst thing I've ever done and persists in reminding me of the story almost 40 years later. So glad you were able to find a useful remedy. The internet didn't exist when I tried it.

****Note to self: Hide all salves, lotions, creams, jellies, etc. before the twins decide to become helpful like Mommy!

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