So Now You Need a Kit to Build a Fort?

– Posted in: Okay That's Funny, Parenting, This Is Supposed to be Fun, Uncategorized, Videos, Worst Mom Rants

Let me say right off the bat that I’m being a big fat hypocrite in this post. After the Harry Potter extravaganza party, bagging on other people’s obsessive craftiness is sort of laughable. But this instructional video on “how to build a fort kit” is just kind of killing me.


Part of me didn’t even want to post the video because some of you might actually spend time watching it, but I can’t help myself. It’s just kind of screams, “I color code and organize my kids’ snacks so they’ll have a wide variety of flavors and nutritional variation throughout the week.” While I think the “fort in a bag” is maybe kind of a cute gift (if you have everything else in the world), I’ve gotta raise an eyebrow at someone who’d spend time sewing little color-coordinated ties onto blankets in order to properly secure something that’s sort of fun to have randomly fall down in the first place.

Maybe this is just me. Maybe I’m a terrible person who makes her children use blankets and sheets of varying size and weight to make their forts. Maybe I’m mean because my kids have to secure their blankets with pillows or by stuffing them between chairs without the use of ties, clamps or bungie cords (although hmm, those are good ideas). And maybe I’m putting my kids in mortal danger because their forts are constantly caving in on them. I mean, who truly knows how many deaths have been caused each year due to faulty children’s fort construction…

And maybe the rest of you are sitting up, late at night, sewing tabs on sheets and assembling fort bags so your kids’ imaginative play can be truly safe. And color-coordinated. And, not to mention, attractively stored (I wonder if you’re required to clip the clothes pins back on the cardboard every time).

Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go back to wasting time on my crazy-ass parties. My son’s birthday is in November, so I only have four months to plan…

kids building fort in the forrest out of wood and branches

Option two? Just ditch the blankets and build a fort in the woods. Caution: this could fall down and knock you in the head (thus the helmets…)


10 Comments… add one

Cheryl S. July 19, 2013, 5:59 am

Was it just me, or did this mom seem to be in a lovely hazey time-warped Xanax high? Maybe Xanax with a cocktail or two? I’d be worried about being her kid or her spouse, because I could see her crafting DIY color-coordinated body bags for family members on her “off” days. But maybe that’s just me.

Tammy July 20, 2013, 11:53 am

THAT is brilliant. I knew there was another reason why this made me bristle.

Maxabella July 26, 2013, 6:56 pm

See, this is why I like you. We are so the same. Part of me admires the colour-coded fort kit mum, and part of me wants to kick her out of her house to get her hands dirty. The thing that irritates the bejeezus out of me lately is that the ‘assembling of and photographing of’ the ‘kit’ to ‘craft’ has actually become a craft itself. Groan. x
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Tammy July 27, 2013, 12:19 am

You’re killin’ me. That’s EXACTLY right. Can’t just be perfectly crafty. Now we have to be perfectly photo-perfect crafty and pinterest-uploadable!

vanita August 12, 2013, 4:23 pm

ok i stopped a quarter way in. I couldn’t take how slow she was going OMGawd. and my kids make forts with sheets anchored by pillows sitting on the corners on couches. if there’s another way for preschoolers to make a forth, i don’t know but they love it.
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Tammy August 26, 2013, 10:10 am

I know. Didn’t you just want to push fast forward? That’s a huge downside to watching videos online.

Tammy August 26, 2013, 10:12 am

I know. Didn’t you just want to push fast forward? That’s the huge downside to watching videos online.

Val August 12, 2013, 5:13 pm

I don’t know how forts can be made without phone books. OMG in a decade (hopefully) when I have grandkids, how am I going to make forts? I’ll just go old school…sheets over the dining room table. That works until someone pulls sheet down and the weight lands on them.

Ghetto forts are the best. Kids take half the day just making them 🙂
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Tammy August 26, 2013, 10:13 am

Half of learning to make a fort is figuring out that when you pull on certain things, you get bonked in the head with the heavy object you used to secure the sheet. It’s all part of understanding physics…

Ross December 2, 2013, 10:09 am

I’m kind of afraid to tell you about Squishy Forts. Think a pillow fort kit… but commercialised.

Meanwhile it has magnets and packs away into a nice, neat, ottoman… so maybe the world’s worst moms will like it?
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