Thar She Blows!

– Posted in: Cleaning, Illness, Losin' It, This is Supposed to be Helpful, Worst Mom Moments

If you lurk around this blog or our Facebook page, no doubt you’ve seen Kelly DeBie of DeBie Hive. When you get into her blog (which you should), you’ll quickly find out that she and her family should have a punch card for the emergency room. In this Worst Mom Moment, unfortunately it’s the mighty Kelly herself who has fallen and is now subject to the whims of her four children. Or is she…

 

I’ve been sick for now for almost two weeks.  The husband injured for a bit longer.

Out of commission.

Which can only mean one thing in a house full of six people.

Shit ain’t getting done.

The kids are taking full advantage of it, of course. I’ve asked them to help more than usual because of my complete inability to do anything. Aidan is supposed to do the dishes and the girls are supposed to do the laundry.

What I imagine that looks like, and what I found a few nights ago after the kids went to bed, are vastly different.

Aidan got into the habit of restarting the dishwasher whenever he didn’t want to empty it. The dishes of six people for god only knows how long, stacked precariously on the counter. In the sink.  On the tables. You get where I’m going with this.

The girls washed and dried the clothes well enough. Then rolled them up in balls and threw them into random baskets. No folding, no sorting. IF something was hung up, it was done in such a manner that I’m not even sure how they got it to stay on the hanger. Defying the laws of gravity and shit. That bad.

The entire floor was covered with stuff. Dirty clothes, clothes that were probably clean before they landed back on the floor, dishes that didn’t fit on counters anymore, freaking cheese papers. The trash was overflowing, spilling out all over the kitchen floor.

Keep in mind my husband is on crutches or his scooter. He at least needs a path.

I surveyed the damage. I have a line. This was over the line.

I harnessed every last ounce of energy I had and yelled up the stairs in my sick and raspy scary mommy voice (which  I imagine to sound like Kathleen Turner, but probably sounds more like a pubescent boy).

10:30 pm on a school night, and I dragged all their asses out of bed.

Yes I did.

Release the Kraken. Unleash hell. All that.

There was yelling, at least until I launched into a coughing fit. There was snapping and pointing. I am pretty sure I flailed at some point. Basically, I freaked the fuck out.

 

Do it right the first time so you don’t have to do it twice.

You’re going to fix this.

I don’t care if you’re tired at school tomorrow.

Don’t be lazy!

All I’m asking for is a little, tiny bit of help, seriously!

 

My husband was worried I was going to turn on him next.

In the eyes of my children, terror.

Mom has full on lost her shit, guys….we’d better listen or we might not survive to morning.

They survived. Somehow, as if a magical cleaning fairy has come, the laundry is now getting folded and the dishes are actually getting washed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amazing how that works.

13 Comments… add one

pbe56 September 6, 2012, 5:15 pm

OH MY GOD! The re-starting the dishwasher part is too funny. YEARS from now, Thanksgiving dinners are going to start with, “Remember the time Mom lost her shit???”

Tammy September 10, 2012, 12:26 pm

I’m guilty of restarting the dryer but never the dishwasher. That’s epic.

Andrea September 6, 2012, 6:30 pm

Why must they push us THAT far?! Like it’s all optional until mom has a Hissy fit!

Rachel September 6, 2012, 7:05 pm

I can relate. I have a fractured ankle and have been in a boot all summer, my husband works a lot, ad the house is a filthy pig sty. My kids are used to my screaming and ranting. I think they just tune me out now….

The Mother Freakin' Princess September 6, 2012, 7:29 pm

UGH! (But total LOL!)

Verity September 6, 2012, 10:42 pm

I cannot stop laughing. I need that ecard in poster size. Just tonight I said, “do you all like it when I yell, is that it?” Oh my god, what have we become!
Love it!

molly September 7, 2012, 5:02 am

Freakin’ brilliant! The Kathleen Turner cum prepubescent boy is a genius comparison. loved it. Hope you’re feeling better, Kelly. xo

Lily from It's A Dome Life September 7, 2012, 6:51 am

I’m taking notes on this. Dragging kids out of bed to do what they were supposed to do in the first place? Classic parenting move. I think they need to change the title up there from “World’s Worst Moms” to “Mom’s Who Know How To Raise Children Right” (I know, kinda long and not as catchy, but still). This was funny. I hope you feel better!

Tammy September 10, 2012, 12:28 pm

I know, Lily. We really should be “Mom’s Who Know How to Kick You Straight in the Ass, Not Sideways.” But that’s kind of long, too.

Mandy September 12, 2012, 8:22 pm

OMGosh I love this, it’s so reassuring to know that other mums lose their shit too lol.

Tammy September 13, 2012, 11:17 am

Dear lord. I think I lose my shit at least once a day. At this point, the kids would probably think something was wrong if I didn’t.

Artiki September 23, 2012, 3:45 pm

I have been crying all day about how badly I lose my shit at my children and how I’m the worst mother in the world for finally snapping and breaking a few more things in our house in a fit of rage. This generally happens every weekend when I ask the kids to help me by cleaning up their own messes. Thank god I’m not the only one. When you lose your shit, do you find it necessary to lock yourself in another room until your vision returns? Cuz that’s what usually happens to me. I go blind with rage and have to escape the urchins trying to cling to my legs instead of CLEANING UP THEIR MESSES! And when I come out, I find that the good child has cleaned up, while the demon seed has found a stash of candy to stickify the couch with while she watches lalaloopsy. A win yet again for the demon child. Sigh.

Tammy October 12, 2012, 12:00 pm

I know. Every time I throw a tantrum, I say to myself, why do I do this? Clearly this is repeat behavior that needs to be fixed in another way. But then I just continue. It’s completely illogical. But then I just blame it on hormones.

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