Sarah, who blogs at Just Outside the Loop, shows us just how bad a mom she (apparently) already was before she even put her baby in the car. If this safety inspector lady ever found the World’s Worst Moms site, she’d probably have us all flogged.
I went to get the car seat inspected today which is a service the hospital provides for free. After checking the way I had it in, the lady took me inside to go over how to put the baby in the actual seat. She brought up the following safety concerns:
Lady: We recommend that you don’t attach toys to the handle as they could come off during an accident and hurt the baby, so we will just take this off.
Me: The car seat handle is tucked behind the car seat and the toy is a stuffed animal and ATTACHED to the handle. How could that hurt the baby?
Lady: Well they haven’t been safety tested with the car seat, they could come off.
Me: Where do you keep your purse when you are driving?
Lady: In the passenger seat.
Me: Do you usually have a drink in the car with you?
Lady: Yes
Me: I would be far more concerned with those objects becoming a projectile in an accident than a stuffed animal.
Lady: Well, obviously you are free to make your own choices compromising the safety of your own child, but we recommend…
Me: Yeah, I got it, no toys for the baby.
Lady: Next we recommend that you don’t use the bumpers to make them fit in the car seat better.
Me: Why not? I thought it was bad for their little necks to roll around in the car seat.
Lady: Well, again, these are after market and have not been safety tested by the car seat manufacturer with the car seat.
Me: Are you serious?
Lady: They add another layer of fabric between the baby and the car seat.
Me: So do clothes! You aren’t telling me to not dress the kid because it might be a safety hazard…
Lady: Well it could make it hard to fasten the belts tightly.
Me: So I should just let his head roll around in there.
Lady: Not at all, you should roll up a receiving blanket to fill all the space and stabilize his head.
Me: Alrighty then.
Lady: Obviously, again, these are just recommendations, what you do with your child’s safety is up to you…
Lady: Next we recommend that you not put a coat on your child if they will be riding in a car seat.
Me: This ought to be good…
Lady: It adds another layer of cloth between the baby and the car seat. You wouldn’t be able to tighten the belts properly.
Me: I am due the first part of February, you are telling me that the hospital recommends that if it is three below zero, I should not put a coat on the kid?
Lady: Well in reality the kid will be going from a warm house to a warm car and doesn’t need a coat.
Me: Unless the car takes 20 minutes to warm up like my husband’s truck does.
Lady: Well once he is in the car you can pile as many blankets over him as you want.
Me: I was told that lots of blankets were a suffocation hazard for babies and that layers of clothing and coats were better for keeping them warm, but you are telling me that instead of putting a head bumper in the car seat and putting a coat on the baby in February, I should wad blankets around his head and throw several over his face. So he may suffocate, but at least his seat belt will be as tight as possible.
Me: One question, these recommendations. . . if I go to leave the hospital with the kid in a coat, will they release him like that?
Lady: Unfortunately all the hospital requires is a car seat with a five point harness. If you decide to ignore our safety recommendations, there is nothing we can do to stop you.
Me: Great! Thanks so much for you help! Great talk!
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Hahahahahaha! Hilarious! Seriously, these inspector people? Never had a baby before.
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Yeah, sadly….with my first I did the whole thin layer of clothing and no head bumper because……well, I was a firs time mom and was worried about killing my offspring. Green as I was, I believed that all these crazy little things would kill my baby. I know! I sat in the back seat with the baby until she had good neck strength and I'd use my hands to keep her little neck from rolling around. …..*Lets all just sit back and LAUGH at the first time mother that was *me**. With my second? He had a pillow and blanket in his crib from about birth and those head bumpers? He had them! Wearing fluffy coats?! Check!
Both kids are alive and well!
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Lol. My MIL just adopted a baby boy last April. When it came time to put him in his carseat this last winter, they told her that he couldn't have his snow suit on and just to take him directly from house to car covered in blanket. She followed their regulations, but when she mentioned this to me, (I'm due in August) I have decided that I will be keeping my child in her snow suit when I take her outside. I did it with both of my other children and they were fine. Stupid regulations!
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When my mom had me, car seats were brand new. They thought my parents were heartless monsters for putting me in a car seat instead of holding me on the drive home. "But don't you want to hold and cuddle your new bundle of joy? Why would you want to make her sit cold and alone all by herself?" Oh, how far we've come!
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Funny in that "I'm laughing but I'm cringing at the same time" kind of way.
I'm pretty sure it's also safer if the child isn't in the car at all, so I strongly recommend leaving the child unattended at home rather than accept the risk of being in the vehicle. Even better, of course, would be to leave the child on the sidewalk as it's much safer in the event that the house spontaneously catches fire. The problem with the sidewalk, though, is that cars could swerve off the road. So the very best course of action is to leave your child in the middle of the road. In that way, if a car does swerve off the road, it will miss your child. But your decision to put your child in grave danger is entirely yours. Who am I to judge?
Thanks for the hilarious post!
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This is just great!!! I could not stop laughing!!! Thanks for cracking me up!!!
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My first car seat essentially looked like a lawn chair. I think it actually would've helped to flick me through the windshield if we'd gotten in a wreck. I'm pretty sure car seats back then just served the purpose of getting the kids high enough to see out the window.
Eric, you're killin' me.
I think ever new mom is crazy. It's how we guarantee first children turn out totally neurotic.
Oh they've had babies. But they've done it the RIGHT way.;)
That's so hard! Because when you adopt, they're WATCHING you.
last week a friend brought us a bunch of things to keep the baby in the car.
Ok. I think I need a degree in order to understand how they work….
Haha, you made me laugh so much! This is so funny and sad too, I can not imagine what that Lady was thinking giving you these advices. Probably no experience with a baby in a car seat??? 🙂
At the same time I wonder how we survived when we were kids and were taken in the car WITHOUT child car seats…hmm
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