This little nightmare (daymare?) comes from Crystal Rodriguez who blogs at We Aren’t Perfect. I love Crystal because she never pulls her punches. The best humor is always the honest stuff.
My 1-year-old, who is normally very good and usually never fusses, was beyond consolation all morning. He didn’t want food, drink, bottle, nada. So, like any normal mother, I put him back to bed and let him stew it out in the comfort of his crib. He finally dozed off ten minutes before we had to leave.
When I woke him up, he reached a new level of pissed off. What is his problem? I wondered as he writhed and screeched all the way to Target (I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t grit my teeth a few times in annoyance). But it was there, at the pharmacy counter while discussing my other son’s prescriptions, I found out just what my baby’s problem was.
I had lifted him out of the cart to stand on the counter, hoping it would distract him so I could talk to the pharmacist. And then. . . his diaper fell off. Disintegrated, actually. It was so wet, the little gel-like balls that line the inside of a diaper poured out and covered the counter, causing the pimply-faced technician to back away in uncomfortable alarm. The sopping diaper fell with a loud splat on the counter, reeking of urine and and looking like yellow roadkill.
“Uh, is he like, ok?” The technician asked me.
“He’s fine!” I snapped, saying I’d be back for the prescription. I snatched up the sopping mess and glared at the elderly woman staring at me in disapproval. “And please add grape flavor to the Amoxicillin!” I called over my shoulder as we left.
Yes people, I forgot to change my boy’s diaper when he woke up this morning. And, much like a meth head, I let his poor bottom fester in the the soaked diaper all morning, through a forced nap, ending in a naked butt at Target. But with my head held high, mind you — for I will not be shamed! — I walked out of that store, ignoring the stares at my now-happy 1-year-old’s dangling pee-pee.
Hello, my name is Crystal, and I am now a Wal-Mart customer.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Oh my gods. That is hilarious!
Seriously — can't you just see the expression on that clerks face when the diaper hits the counter? And I love that he asks if the baby is okay. Like a part of the kid's body just fell off or something.
That is seriously the funniest thing I've read all week. Because I can totally picture it – because I've been there! You know, more than half way through the morning and you wonder what is wrong with they kid's onsie…nope, just a gelatinous diaper mess. Oh, and the stink! It takes me back!
Fantastic story, and you told it so well. FUNNY!
“for I will not be shamed!” Hilarious!
I'm sorry… I have tears running down my face!!! That? HILARIOUS. Hilarious because it didn't happen to me. Oh, I'm not saying I'm perfect and have never forgotten to change a diaper, but I've been lucky enough to not have it actually fall off onto a pharmacy counter. That post was genius.
Yes – thanks for making me laugh so hard that I'm crying – It helps me know that I'm normal!
You made my day. At least you found out why he was crying. You need to make sure to tell this to him when he gets older and has his own kids, so he will get a good laugh also. I would have offered to go get you some paper towels and a diapers to help you out, but you handled it well.
Have a great day and hug your little one and give a hug to yourself, you deserve one.
Haha- I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh out loud at work. Lol- loveed the visuals there. 🙂
Awesome line: “The sopping diaper fell with a loud splat on the counter, reeking of urine and and looking like yellow roadkill”.
Mommy humor at its finest! Best soiled diaper story I’ve read in recent memory 🙂
That is a grand piece of writing.