Jules has brought us the funny not once, but twice. Now she’s giving us the true.
I have the type of family that people dream about: I’m quite happily married, we have two healthy, bright, attractive, fairly-well-adjusted children. We have one boy (age 9) and one girl (age 7). . . so we got one of each. And the girl even has a big brother to look out for her. And we get along. We have fun together. We are a tight little family (so far, anyway).
This is not to say that our family is perfect and unaffected by my neuroses and idiosyncrasies. I freak out because we only have nine teaspoons left from our twelve place settings of silverware (but where can they be!), and I really don’t want my children to pick out their own clothes because I can’t stand seeing them mismatched (yet our house is often cluttered with several rooms cordoned off as federal disaster areas due to the laundry explosion that apparently occurred and buried the people who used to live in this house). Nonetheless, my favorite way to spend my time is when the four of us are together. And there are lots of things we enjoy doing together — skiing, going to museums, trying different foods, seeing how many steps we can register on the pedometer in 90 seconds, timing how fast we can run a mile, reading chapter books out loud, singing off key, snuggling on the couch after a big day of hiking, whispering with the lights off about the best part of the day or the origin of the universe. . . you get the picture.
So, what’s the problem? I think I might be the World’s Worst Mom. I don’t have any *real* problems, and I enjoy all this upside of an emotionally rewarding and fun family — but I still fantasize about what it would have been like if we had gone the other way when we came to the fork in the road and decided not to have children. I imagine having a childless life all the time — the travel, the smaller house, the uninterrupted sleep, the earlier retirement, the easing of that sadness in my heart when I think of my children living with the consequences of our national debt and greenhouse gases. I know people who are my age and have chosen not to have children for a variety of reasons. And they are well-adjusted, living fulfilling lives. I often think (wistfully) about their lives — and imagine longingly what my life would be like without my children.
There you have it. . . you have met her. . . the World’s Worst Mom.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
We all want what we can't have. 🙂 You are NOT alone – I've had the same day dream many a times. 🙂
I had a grand total of 3 hours sleep last night. I totally get it.
My recent post My Lookalike is a Ho
Definately not alone. I adore my children, and my husband, BUT there are those daydreams during my long commute to work about what I would do with all that extra time, money and freedom. Everyone dreams of those things I think, but then there are all those GREAT times with our families that reminds us of the reason we stay 🙂
I actually LIVED the day dream today. I was shopping without the kids, and I kept running into moms with children (mine are in day camp). It was like I was "special."
I was with some energetic young woman (kid-less) who made the comment, "I can always sleep when I'm dead." I wanted to punch her.
Which is why we all have to make the lists about the skiing and the snuggling and the whispering. Otherwise, the human race would cease to exist.
now that I spend many sleepless nights feeding her and taking care of her…well…I kind of ak myself the same thing….
but then I think again and find put that everything is much better now!!
My recent post Baby Cinderella