When You Wish Upon a Blog

– Posted in: Blogging, Chronic Pain, Complaining, Cranky Tammy, Grief, Holidays, Logan's Story, Personal Insanity, Sappy Tammy

Christmas star ornamentLike an innocent little schoolgirl, romping ’round the playground, I’ve been smacked on the back by a bigger, stronger, faster kid and declared “It” in a brutal game of tag.

Okay, that’s not entirely accurate. But bullying is just so “in” right now.

My friend, Kelly DeBie over at DeBie Hive has tagged me in a post about wishes. The idea is that I’m supposed to make five wishes for the holiday season and tag five bloggers to participate (poor bastards).

What Kelly didn’t know when she picked me was that I’m not exactly in the most bright and shiny mood today. On any other occasion, I’m sure this list would be chock full o’fun and peppered with disparaging remarks about John Boehner and Walmart. But, as we all know, timing is everything…

1) As is customary with every wish made available to me, I wish I were “better.” I wish I were healthy and pain-free. I wish I knew what it felt like to not throw down a handful of pills every night. I wish I could drink a glass of red wine with dinner or a beer on a hot summer afternoon like a grown-up. I wish they could get my jaw back to normal after futzing with it so that my back teeth could touch and I could stop eating like a rabbit. I wish I could sleep.

Crap — I think I just used up all five wishes in that first go-around. Probably should’ve done the “wishing for wishes” thing.

2) I wish I could figure out how everyone else is “doing it.” And by “it,” I mean “everything.” For the last few days, I’ve felt swamped. I feel like I’ve either been working with the kids on homework or shopping for Christmas (online and in-person) or cleaning something. But here’s the problem: I cannot figure out where my time goes. Today, I was driving home in my disgustingly dirty, dog-hair-covered car and couldn’t believe I didn’t ever feel like I had enough hours in the day to get the car washed. Not to wash the car myself — to HAVE the car washed. Even my outsourcing isn’t expedient enough. My list of appointments to make and paperworky-type crap to do is a mile long, and I can NEVER clear off my desk. And this is WITH someone cleaning my house every two weeks.

Honestly, I don’t even like to talk about this because it makes me feel like such a complete asshole. Yes, it’s true I’m not physically in the best condition, so I logically I know I need to cut myself some slack and just lay off it, but for the love of Pete, there are people out there dealing with so much more than I am. They’re working full time and struggling for real! And training for marathons! And writing books! And blogging all the frickin’ time!

I’m literally a spoiled, pain-in-the-ass housewife who doesn’t have to clean her house and whose husband cooks. I’m a stay-at-home mom whose kids go to school all day. And I still can’t get this all to work.

So I want to know, what am I missing? Am I just slow? Slow learner, slow writer, slow mover? I feel like I run my ass off when I’m in “go” mode. I don’t feel like I’m screwing around. And yet, clearly something isn’t working.

3) I wish I could cut myself some slack. See 2.

4) I wish, in many ways, that we could just fast forward through this holiday season. Seeing The Nutcracker, looking at cute men’s shirts at the mall, trying to figure out which photos to put in our Christmas card — they’re all just small, scraping, excruciating reminders that my cousin is gone.

5) I wish that all the children of the world would join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace…



Sorry. Couldn’t leave everybody hanging with such a downer post. I mean, it is Christmas.

Be sure to check out DeBie Hive and her Five Wishes. And now, for the next victims…

Grass Oil

Maybe It’s Just Me

By Word of Mouth Musings

How I Learned to Wear a Dress

Wyatt Zoo

No pressure — it is, after all, the holidays. And like anyone needs more crap to do.


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20 Comments… add one

Mary December 11, 2012, 11:25 pm

Yeah…sometimes feeling like you have to do everything sucks. That doesn’t mean you actually HAVE to do everything, it is the FEELING about it that sucks. One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. NOW is the only time you have. It is so exhausting thinking about everything you “should” be doing. STOP SHOULDING ON YOURSELF! Make a list, prioritize. If you do not finish what you want to complete, that is what tomorrow is for. But seriously Tammy, cut yourself some slack. When you spend your now thinking about what you need in your future, you are wasting the moment. I speak from experience here. Take each moment for what it is. Then let it go. :) Hugs.

Tammy December 12, 2012, 3:12 pm

I really, really try. I make lists. But then there are lists of lists. And it feels like there’s always something new that comes up to derail me. I’m just frustrated. And tired. But thanks — love you.

Jen December 12, 2012, 1:55 am

Ugh! I feel you, sweet pea. I’m in a “crappy-go-lucky” mood myself at the moment. Between being jobless and broke with three kids during the holidays, and all the insanity involving my son, I feel like I’m going to end up in a looney bin pulling all of my hair out by December 18th…

Trying to stay positive all the time in the face of crap, crap, and more crap is virtually impossible.

Luckily for me, this week I saw Santa twice, four bearded ladies, 12 angry old lesbians, 3 grandmas with beards, 8 ugly holiday sweaters, and a guide chihuahua. My week apparently wasn’t so bad Averell…
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Jen December 12, 2012, 1:57 am

err… after all (if I could spell on my phone).
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Tammy December 12, 2012, 3:14 pm

You always make me laugh, you know that? I’m sorry I didn’t put you on the list. That’s why I hate lists. As soon as I’m faced with needing to name people, I freeze up. I guess I’d be good news for my friends at a witch trial.

molly December 12, 2012, 5:06 am

I know exactly how you feel, except for the jaw and pain stuff (which I wish for you, that you didn’t have to deal with). I am spoiled too. I think in my head it’s the abundance of time and for me, the lack of time management that does me in. Be good to you. XOXO. And thank you for linking to me. I maaaaay do another one…. :)

Tammy December 12, 2012, 3:17 pm

Sometimes I wonder if the “too much time” is a problem for me, too. When I work (like on campaigns) I’m exhausted, but really “tight” with my life. I need one of you guys to make deadlines for me or something.

Kelly DeBie December 12, 2012, 5:52 am

Tammy, I chose to run you down in a field not because you are an easy target (though the visual of me chasing anything is downright hilarious)…but because I know how hard this year has been for you and that you’re not in a
great place and that holidays suck in general for people like
you and me. Maybe if we all had a few wishes, things could be better for everyone.
Kelly DeBie recently posted..Five WishesMy Profile

Kelly DeBie December 12, 2012, 5:53 am

…and also this: xoxoxo
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Tammy December 12, 2012, 3:20 pm

The visual of you running me down is freakin’ hysterical.

You and I will figure out this holiday crap. I know we will. It’s a good thing we have the kids around to make us run around like crazy people so that we don’t have to think too hard. And they’re also good to put all the blame on. So that’s convenient.

Love ya.

Andrea December 12, 2012, 7:16 am

The feelng of being overwhelmed and then judging yourself for being overwhelmed (with what? chores like cleaning and shopping?) is a very real one that many of us struggle with every day. It’s just good old fashioned guilt. NO ONE has it all together. Some work so hard that their relationships suffer, and others work so little that everything else suffers. a perfect balance only happens once or twice in a lifetime. Do your best and allow yourself some slack. Take your time and find your own groove. xoxo
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Tammy December 12, 2012, 3:21 pm

You know, when YOU say it, it makes sense and sounds totally wise and reasonable. How do you do that?

Carol the Long Winded December 12, 2012, 9:55 am

Well,I started getting down on myself last night. Fortunately I am reading a novel in which a character (among other horrors) get treplanned. So he’s running around with a hole in his skull. I thought “Well, at least no one has drilled a hole in my head.” And felt better! So I suggest reading grisly Yorkshire Noir novels as the ticket to cosmic bliss! or at least not singeing your hair in the electric oven.

Tammy December 12, 2012, 3:21 pm

Okay, you’re killin’ me right now. Keeeeling me…


Verity December 12, 2012, 4:36 pm

Ok – never start a piece of toast and then sit down at your computer to “really quick” check Tammy’s blog. Unless you are conducting a science experient on how bad to burn toast before even the dog won’t eat it.
I was feeling so sad for you my friend, and laughing so hard at the comments, I lost my mind.
Thank you for not sending me the wish list – couldn’t have published my wishes….
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pbe56 December 12, 2012, 4:38 pm

Sooo….how big of a jerk am I when I have all the same complaints but I DO NOT EVEN HAVE CHILDREN! I know I do work full time, but at least THAT job has an end every day….

Tanya December 12, 2012, 5:46 pm

You are hilarious, I am cracking up over here. I gotta agree with you, “even my outsourcing isn’t expedient enough!” I got a mile long to do list and we won’t go over how much doesn’t get done. New fan here visiting from SItS. Sorry to hear about your chronic pain. I have a chronic illness too and it sucks but I am on very strong meds to deal with it. Meds help till illness flares it’s ugly head especially when I become a monthly witch anyway. That’s when I am a worlds worst mom!
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Kelly O'Sullivan (HILWD) December 12, 2012, 7:00 pm

You are forgiven for being imperfect like the rest of us. You are forgiven for tagging me :). I even forgive you for using Steve Martin’s clip before I could use it. A clip I have in my iTunes library. A clip I listen to in July because 1) Steve could read the alphabet and I would laugh and 2) It’s just so damn perfect, evil humor–my favorite kind.

P.S. I wish I lived next door to you. We would have awesome coffee breaks 5 of 6 times a day. :)
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Nicole Morgan ( December 12, 2012, 7:46 pm

ha, and you called me out whole my blog is down .. hoping to up by the end of the week … and oh my, in my crazy, upside down life. Yes, I have wishes. Some of them are so simple – others that are merely that – wishes, that have now passed by and will never be ….
Give me a few days girlfriend!

Lily from It's A Dome Life December 12, 2012, 10:35 pm

If you get the answers to number two, will you share them with me? I am right there with you. How do people do it all so well? Why am I so bad at it? Seriously, I am just as confused as you are. I just washed my car for the first time and I have had it for two years…yep.

I hope you get some good health!
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