Worst Moms Christmas Gifts — Going Bananas

– Posted in: Food, Holidays, Okay That's Funny, Shopping Hell, Uncategorized, Worst Mom Reviews

One of the great and horrible realities of Christmas in the 21st century is that there’s really no excuse for not being able to find the perfect gift. Because if it’s not online, it probably means you’re a genius and just came up with the next great thing in greatness. Either that or you’re like me and just suck at searching.

But in the last 24 hours, I think I may have found the perfect gifts for even the most hard-to-buy-for person. Well, unless you loathe bananas.

Banana Gift #1: Banana Bunkers

Who couldn’t use these? More importantly, who wouldn’t want one of these sitting on a kitchen counter? Or in a purse? I know when I saw it, the first thing I thought was, “Oh look, a banana holder  — so your fruit won’t get bruised.” Why? Because I’m a nice girl from a good family…

The unfortunate part about this “device” is that it would actually make my life better. But like there’s any way I’d show up to the kids’ school or play dates with one of these in tow (“Excuse me while I whip this out…”).

Banana gift #2: The Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

Let’s face it. Slicing bananas is hard. Okay, actually it’s soft. But it’s sooooo difficult. Right? Right?

Well, all I know is that these people who wrote reviews on Amazon agree with me…

“My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old ‘I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?’ and of course, ‘You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!’ These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER! ” — Mrs Toledo (Greeley, CO)


“When a burgler came to my house I was tempted to reach for the butcher knife in the kitchen, but instead I grabbed the 571B banana slicer. I told the burgler…’I’m gonna slice your nanner’ and he ran in a terrible fright. Thank you 571B banana slicer for saving my home and possibly my life.” — Angela Hamel

Of course, you can’t make everybody happy…

I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.” — J. Anderson

But then, there’s a solution to most any problem…

“I can’t believe anyone could be so inept as to think that they couldn’t slice their bananas because they bent “the wrong way.” All that person has to do is to buy the model 571C Banana Slicer that is for bananas that bend the other way. Although I prefer left-bending bananas, I got both the 571B and the 571C so that when shopping, I don’t have to have the hassle of finding bananas with the correct polarity. I hope “Angle Was Wrong” sees the light and removes that harsh one-star rating for this indispensable product duo.” — H. Madison

You can read more helpful reviews about the 571 Banana Slicer at Amazon.com if you’re still having a hard time making up your mind (between it and the banana bunker, it’s a tough decision). Special thanks to Claire Ursino, one of our favorite World’s Worst Moms Facebook pals, for bringing this priceless product to our attention.

If nothing else, now you have two options for the toe-end section of your stocking.


Got a Worst Mom gift idea? Send it our way or visit us on Facebook.


18 Comments… add one

Princess Consuela Bananahammok December 4, 2012, 5:26 pm


Plus, good to know that you’re a nice girl from a good home. Otherwise, you may have thought the Banana Bunkers were something COMPLETELY different!!

Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:11 am

I know. My momma raised me right.

BTW, you’re getting one of these for Christmas…

Andrea December 4, 2012, 5:52 pm

Oh my gosh! Go see if you can find the clip from Colbert where he talked about the banana bunker…hilarious!
Andrea recently posted..Random Reallys?My Profile

Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:17 am
Menopausalmother December 4, 2012, 6:16 pm

You had me at Banana Bunker. Actually, I’m really pissed off that I didn’t think of this invention first. Mine would be better–it would have vibrate mode on it.
So why haven’t I found you earlier in my life??? Thank God you left a comment on my site so I could FIND YOU! Think I will go hit that “like” button now on your Facebook page….
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Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:20 am

I say you run with the vibrating Banana Bunker idea. Who says you can’t improve on the original.

Thanks for liking me!

pbe56 December 4, 2012, 8:52 pm

People SLICE bananas, huh? Because, like, their teeth are too weak? This is hilarious.

Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:21 am

Well, there are those times when you need to make a fruit salad. FAST!

The Sadder But Wiser Girl December 4, 2012, 8:55 pm

Holiday gift problem solved. BANANA BUNKERS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!! 😉 What? You think people would think they were for anything else???

The banana slicer has to be the best thing on Amazon right now just for those comments. I was laughing so hard the first time I read the comments I had to shut my computer and WALK AWAY!

Banana equipment-not just for monkeys…
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Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:22 am

I know. I was doing that thing where I’m alone downstairs, laughing out loud, and my husband is upstairs wondering what the hell is going on.

Heather Lambie ( December 5, 2012, 3:57 am

My husband just sent me a link to a COUPON for these from Living Social. He said, “for the girl who has everything.” I replied, “thank god I don’t have everything.” The only thing worse than this that I’ve seen is a “banana saver” which is a tupperware shaped like HALF a banana. So you can save the half you don’t eat. Cuz, you know, I never have room 100% of my daily potassium intake.
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Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:23 am

Okay, THAT is awesome. Because lord knows you couldn’t put half a banana in a banana bunker.

molly December 5, 2012, 4:43 am

My bananas are bruised and flaccid. Would never make it with either of those devices. Perhaps I’ll use it on zucchini.

Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:23 am

You had me at flaccid.

Who even came up with that word?

Alexandra December 5, 2012, 5:55 am

I like it. Bruised bananas are something my kids wont touch: the mushy brown, you know? This’ll keep them nice and firm.

I might keep my banana shaped breasts in there.
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Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:25 am

Hahaha!!! I think you may have just invented a new bra.

Well like I said, sadly, these things would actually help me. I lose a lot of bananas when they get squished in duffle bags.

Mary December 5, 2012, 10:36 am

OMG! This is hilarious! I can not believe the stupidity of some people. Really? Enhances lovemaking as there are no fights EVERY DAY over who cuts the bananas? Are you serious? Or you can’t turn your banana OVER? The tings you find on the internet. I am laughing my head off!

Tammy December 6, 2012, 12:26 am

I know. I love the Amazon comment section.

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