The kids are back in school, which means I theoretically have more time to sit and stare at my computer screen with the hope of getting something done. It comes as no surprise that the sudden lack of beasties around the house has significantly boosted my concentration level. It’s sort of like the difference between being completely sober and walking from your table to the restroom in a quiet restaurant versus having a couple of margaritas and walking from your table to the restroom in a crowded bar — you know where you need to go, you know how to get there, but one way is a whole lot faster and easier than the other. Just as an example of how life used to be before school started, I’m currently writing this while my daughter, Elfie, feels the need to interrupt me every 60 seconds with a comment about the art project she’s working on, a request for something she can get by herself (like a drink of water), or an observation about how evolution works or why female bearded lizards are females but still have beards. It’s Saturday. . .
So now that I have oodles of time, I’ve decided to make myself completely insane by starting a new website and taking on a new job. Because that’s what I do. I find ways to avoid tasks on my long-term to-do list like “go through pile of photographs in basket” or “fill and touch up holes in ceiling where husband hung 24 hooks for lanterns at Chinese New Year party.” It’s the reason why my garage looks like the Clampetts just stopped by and unloaded their truck.
For those of you whom I haven’t completely pestered with an email, tweet, facebook post, personal phone call, or visit to your home, I’ve started a new website called World’s Worst Moms. It’s for women to share their best “bad mom” moments. So if you have a real doozy of a story, send it in! You should know, I’m not talking, “Burned baby with meth pipe again. . . whoops!” Think more like, “Accidentally washed son’s white football uniform with red sock — on hot” (And, yes, I’m being sexist. Boys like pink, too. Just generally not when they’re playing football. And also generally not when they’re the only one on the team wearing it).
My other new gig is at MomsLikeMe.com. I’m a “Discussion Leader” for Reno. How does this change my life? In the past, when I was sitting around the house, mulling over all the weird crap that came into my head or fuming about the annoying stuff I heard on the news, I just let it float out into the atmosphere. But now, I’ll be posting it all as questions! Who would’ve thought that being a quirky, argumentative pain-in-the ass would land me a job.
This is also, incidentally, the reason why I’ve “come out” and am no longer anonymous. And why I got the lovely and talented Gina Munda to take some decent pictures of me. She takes beautiful photos — portraits and weddings. Just as an indication of how truly good she is, I should tell you that when I got to the park on the day of our photo shoot, I was a complete wad of anxiety, due in part to the fact that I had a killer zit right between my eyes (I’m notorious for getting one huge, pimple-that-ate-New-York blemish 24 hours before any picture-taking event). And Gina somehow — somehow — made me feel relaxed. I was cracking up within the first two minutes. Now that’s talent, baby.
So that’s the latest. Talk to me in a week or so, and we’ll see if I’m regretting all of this. We’ll see if there are so many distractions on the walk from the table to the restroom that I accidentally pee my pants.
But hopefully I’ll be able to hold my own.