Back in 1994, while working at a television station, my arms started to hurt. We thought I had carpal tunnel syndrome. I didn’t.
For the last 20 years, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain in the form of fibromyalgia and atypical facial pain — a sort of cousin of trigeminal neuralgia (in a nutshell, they’re conditions that make your face feel like it’s burning).
I do my best, like most people with chronic pain, to just get through my day. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s terrible. One of the larger irritations is that you can never tell when the shit’s going to hit the fan and you’re going to go from fine to fairly useless.
For a long time, I’ve felt sort of guilty about talking and writing about my pain — like I was putting people out. Pain gets boring. Fast. But it’s with me 27/7 and hard not to think about all the time. So I started The Window Pain project on Tumblr at the beginning of 2014. It’s a place where I can “put down my pain” and then move onto something else.
If you’re reading this because you have chronic pain, I hope my writing brings you some comfort that you’re not alone. As “nice” as my life may look on the outside sometimes, I’m a perfect example of how you just never know what’s going on underneath with people.
And if you’re reading this because you have a loved one with chronic pain, I hope this gives you some insight into what he/she is feeling. It’s not easy living with us, I know, but we’re not faking it, and we’re doing the best we can. I’m outrageously lucky to be living with a husband who’s beyond patient. I’m sure I would’ve killed me by now.
This is a hard road to be on, whether you’re the passenger or the driver. Treat yourselves and each other gently. Cut everybody in the car some slack.
Take care.
-Tammy