Not Blessed Mama is back with what really is the perfect World’s Worst Moms story. Can’t thank her enough for her great writing and constant support. Check out her blog and her Facbook page — she’ll be your best friend and buy you cookies (okay, not really).
Forgive me, World’s Worst Moms, for I have sinned. It has been. . . forever since my last confession. Since I am not Catholic and I am not sure where this possibly offensive religious reference is going. . . I need you, WWM’s. Something has weighed on my heart for many years, and I know that you can help me. You will relieve me of my guilt and proclaim that I am not the crappy mom that I think I am. And that’s why I love you guys.
This happened a little less than TEN WHOLE YEARS AGO. Back in the days when my oldest Spawn was just shy of his first birthday, and I was that new mom. Worried about everything. Constantly doubting myself. Wracked with guilt over my mistakes. And boy, I sure made a doozy.
I was chatting on the phone in my grandmother’s kitchen one day. Suddenly I hear my babe cry from the other room, but I ignore it. I don’t know why he would be crying — he should be fine, and he’s not coming to find me. I chat for a few more minutes, listening to intermittent sniffling and whining. I figure nothings wrong — he was the type of baby who would let me know if he needed something. Then when my precious little guy finally stumbles down the hallway and into the kitchen, I scream, “I HAVE TO GO, I THINK HE GOT INTO CLEANING STUFF!” as I slam down the phone.
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| Photo by Oliver Gruener |
My baby’s eyes were bright red, and he was rubbing them. There was some white substance on his face. My heart dropped as I prepared to panic — I grabbed him and began hysterically rinsing his face. Blaming myself already — how could I have been so awful, so stupid, so lazy to just sit there on the phone when he had cried? What kind of mother was I? It was all my fault.
Once his poor face was thoroughly rinsed (and he was probably having a panic attack of his own from my psychotic behavior), I grabbed him and started searching for the culprit. I was looking for bath tub cleaner, Pine-Sol, something horribly toxic and poisonous. I was already calling poison control in my mind. And then I saw it, on the floor. . .
A bar of soap.
A bar of soap. Sigh.
Thank sweet heaven it was nothing worse, but my guilt was barely assuaged. That stuff stings! And as I chatted away, my poor little angel’s eyes were on fire and he was probably wondering why I wasn’t coming to rescue him. I’m sure he felt completely alone in the universe, and that I had betrayed his trust. I failed him. He still has nightmares about it, ten years later.
Well, not really. But I hope that since I have now shared this story with you, WWM’s, this weight can finally be lifted from my shoulders. I now know I am not alone (Right?).
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
You are not alone. When one of my twins got into the desitin and it was all over her face – looked like a freaky Freddy Kruger mask – did I grab her and quickly start getting that awful stuff out of her eyes? No – I took pictures. (then freaked out, of course). Mine is worse than yours – there is proof
Oh you poor dear, and your baby!!! One time I left the baby (9 months old) on the bed with the bed rails up, while I rushed a shower. I heard him crying for me (separation anxiety) as he does sometimes, but I ignored it, and continued to rinse off shampoo and soap. Then "THUD".
Oh you poor dear! And the baby! It happens, to the best of us.
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You are sooooooooo not alone. I was in the kitchen doing dishes when my daughter was about 2ish and I heard a thud come from the living room. I stopped. Listened. No crying, she's fine, right? Well after I got done, which was about 2 minutes later, I walk out to the living room and there she lay unconscious on the floor next to her rocking horse! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I ran over to her and just as I bent down over her, she opened her eyes and started crying. I never felt so horrible as a mother in my entire life. TG she doesn't remember any of it almost 6 years later.
Oh my word. I bet you were so scared. I can see why. I was thinking bleach and was blowing an aneurysm myself just reading your story. Glad to hear he was okay and I bet the school of hard knocks taught him a thing or two, didn't it?!
My recent post Walking, Walking, Walking
Thank you, ladies! This is exactly why I needed to post here. i have seriously held onto that guilt for so long. I LOVE your responses and encouragement and bad mothering moments. THANK YOU!
My recent post I Have Decided I Must Write A Book
NBM knows this story already, but for the rest of you… When my so was not quite 2 months old, we went Trick-or-Treating. He was in his carseat carrier pearched on top of a double stroller. The carseat and stroller were two different brands and never really seated right. The stroller hit a large crack in the sidewalk and carseat went flying. I had just put him back in the seat after carrying him for a couple houses and had not buckled him in. Upon hitting the crack, the carseat lurches forward and landed on the sidewalk in front of the stroller. My DH ran to it, hesitated and then turned the carseat over. We totally expected to see the baby face first on the concrete. He wasn't there! Because he was not strapped in, he flew up and over the side of the stroller and landed on a patch of grass. While the grass probably saved his life, he wacked his head really hard on the handle of the carrier and fractured his skull. He is now 5 1/2, fine and thriving today. I blamed myself for the whole thing. So did my DH for pushing it over the crack. We both feel bad about the carseat and stroller situation. Since then, there have been studies that state how potentially unsafe it is. Duh! Ya think? I have proof that says it is. Two good things came from that incident: 1. I don't sweat minor bumps to my kids heads so much. 2. When he is older, I can honestly tell him he was dropped on his head as a baby. ;0)
Whew – I was starting to get worried for a second there! But everything was absolutely fine, so don't beat yourself up about it. If that's your worst mother moment, you're doing fantastic!
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Not alone in the least…
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First time stopping by. Gotta say, you are definitely not alone! One time I put my son down to nap (he was about 4mos old) and as usual he started crying. I told my husband to ignore it cause he has to get used to napping in our new apt alone. Well, thank God for my DH – he went in to check on him and found that my son had rolled into the crib bumper and was crying cause he couldnt breathe. I still cry at the thought and as I wrote that. Worlds worst mother for two reasons…not getting him when he cried and having a crib bumper. Needless to say now, two seconds after he cries I am in his room. I dont care if that spoils him.
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I am always worried that something bad may happen to my baby girl…it's not easy to have everything under control…
I guess anybody could go through something like that….
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I've seen this picture. It's awesome.
Poor kiddo! There are so many thumps associated with kids. It's like crying wolf at some point.
Wow, what a saga. Tracey, if you feel like posting this on the site, let me know.
@imperfect mama When my kids were babies no one knew the dangers of crib bumper pads. When my second child was a couple of months old and still sleeping in a bassinet beside my bed I almost lost her to bumper pads. She was a wiggly little minx, and managed to turn herself sideways in the bassinet which had bumper pads. She was a long baby and in turning had managed to wedge herself in pretty tight with her face pressed up against one bumper pad and her toes jammed against the other. She couldn't breathe and had it not been for the one horrendous baby scream she did mange to get out I would have woken up to a dead baby. Let me tell you, even though it was three o'clock in the morning, I woke my husband and made him put up the crib then and there! Scared the life out of me! I had been meaning to switch her to a crib because I noticed she was able to move more and of course was getting bigger, but kept putting it off because it was too much trouble! After that I never again procrastinated about doing what needed to be done for my kids!