Once again, Halloween is upon us. And yeah, I know it’s only September, but you have to plan for this stuff or else you’ll be the idiot who pays overnight shipping for a T-rex costume — not that I’d know anything about that. Anyway, we’re not really the “everybody in the family dress up” people, but the other day we were brainstorming…
Gru, Lucy, and the Minions
Easier to pull off that it sounds.
- Gru — just a dark suit with a gray and black striped scarf. You could of course get crazy and do the skull cap if you’re not bald already. And carry your kid’s nerf gun as a freeze ray.
- Lucy — she wears a blue trench coat, but seriously? Who’s going to bug you about that. As long as you have orange hair (there’s spray color for that) and pull it up in a bun, you’re all good. Then throw on a long scarf and heels, and carry around a lipstick (“Lipstick taser!”).
- The Minions — you’ll need jean overalls, yellow ski cap, black gloves, black shoes, yellow face paint, and a long-sleeve, yellow shirt. Personally, I like this one because the overalls will cover the little yoga symbol, but you’ll still have a cool shirt to wear after Halloween.
And for the goggles? I might just put a crowbar in it and get a pair of these.
Goggles are the kind of things that either slip off unrelentingly or chafe you to the bone if they’re done badly (which is just so satisfying after you spent five hours making them out of duct tape and oatmeal containers…). And really, if you’re feeling super lazy and cheap, you could get away with yellow hair paint and jeans instead of the ski cap and overalls. Just be sure to test out the yellow — sometimes it’s kind of weak on dark hair.
- Purple Minions: If you have multiple kids, it only seems right that some of them go as the “altered” minions. So checklist: purple shirt, black pants/overalls, purple face paint, black gloves, black shoes, and goggles (and if you get the ones from Toys R Us, just color over the yellow with a Sharpie). Plus, you’ll need some purple hair color and wicked strong hair spray. If you have a kid with really short hair or even dark hair, I’d look for a blond wig and spray that thing instead. And don’t forget the freaky minion teeth:
Bananas and the Minions
Pretty much anyone and everyone who doesn’t want to dress as a minion could go as a banana (the minions’ favorite food). There’s the baby…
And your sort of creepy, childless friend who always volunteers to be the Boy Scout leader or coach gymnastics…
Best part is, next year, you can dress everyone up as howler monkeys and use the costume again.
Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus, and her Band of Furries
You know this is happening. Just hope to god it’s not one of your neighbors. I’m fully prepared to see some mom trooping through my cul-de-sac in a silver unitard and a bunch of kids in red leggings with their teddy bears strapped to their backs. And her husband in a black suit decked out with white tape. And they’ll probably be wasted (the adults, not the furries). Where I come from, people cart their booze around in little red wagons so they don’t run out while the kids are trick-or-treating.
So that’s all I’ve got. One word to the wise: if your kid is interested in searching for his or her own Halloween costumes, don’t be stupid like me and let them do it. My daughter typed in “Mary had a little lamb costume,” and before I could get there to stop her (it was like one of those slow-motion scenes with the person diving and saying, “Nooooooo”), she’d landed on. . . well, you can just imagine.
Turns out Mary’s been around the block at least once with that lamb.