Odds are that Not Blessed Mama is preaching to the choir with this one. You be the judge. Then check out her blog of the same name where she writes about her love affair with everything from her iPhone to green cleaning products (And yes, she has children. Just don’t ask her to gush over them).
Hello. My name is Not Blessed Mama, and I have a dirty little secret. It is so stinky and rotten, I have never told anyone before — but I know the World’s Worst Moms blog is the perfect place to reveal it. Not only will I get absolution, I will get sympathy, support, love, and moms trying to out-do me with their badness. All of which are extremely desirable.
The Spawn (I have 3) and I used to read books at bedtime, but we started to get into the routine of telling stories. I am no master storyteller, nothing of the sort. The stories were usually simple, about exploring magic lands and having adventures and eating a lot of candy. But for some moronic reason (possibly because of Spawn#3’s ridiculous obsession with Spiderman), I told a story where Spiderman happened to knock on our front door and have a brawl with Venom (basically the evil Spiderman) in our front yard.
And oh.my.freaking.god, the Spawn went nuts. They loved it. Spiderman felt so bad about the fight, he took us to McDonald’s afterwards and got everyone Happy Meals, and an iced coffee for Mama. But did you have any idea what a cheapskate Spiderman is? After patting down his pockets, he realized he left his wallet in his other outfit. Typical.
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| From ecoscraps.com |
Since that first story, I can’t begin to count how many Spiderman tales I have told. Now, where’s the badness, you ask? Where’s the World’s Worst Mommyness? Well — I hate it. I abso-freakin-lutely hate Spiderman, and curse him for ever entering our night time ritual. I have had to spin a whole world of Spiderman, where he is actually Venom’s brother and they come over to play Wii. We go to dinner with them and their girlfriends (Spidergirl and Scream). We see them on holidays, birthdays, when we’re at Wal-Mart and Home Depot and even the beauty parlor (you have no idea how metrosexual super heroes really are). When we crawl into bed at night and the Spawn ask for yet another Spiderman story, I want to rip my hair out and put my fist through the wall. I am EXHAUSTED at the end of the day. I want to collapse — yet here I am, scouring my brain for any shred of creativity that could bring Spiderman into our lives in yet another way.
And what’s even worse is that my Spawn just love these stories. Truly and completely — they constantly are looking forward to them. Spawn#1 asked if I could type them up so he could read them at his leisure (and no, I haven’t). They ask me so many questions that these stories can take up to 45 minutes. Seriously??? 45 damn minutes??? Give me a freaking break! Mama needs her rest.
So that is (just one of) my World’s Worst Mom moments. My Spawn are enraptured with a make-believe world filled with hilarity and adventure that I have created for them, and I regret the day Spiderman knocked on our door. I’m sure I deserve some kind of medal for being the mom who hates telling her kids bedtime stories.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
You don't deserve a WWM medal for being the mom who hates telling her kids bedtime stories. You deserve a WBM (world's best mommy) medal for being the mom who hates telling her kids bedtime stories BUT DOES IT ANYWAY. For 45 minutes!!
I totally, totally feel for you.
Maybe you can treat it like chocolate on a diet — do it in the morning so you don't think about it all day.
You know, I get to alternate between Spiderman and Toy Story. Maybe we could swap Spiderman stories (we call Venom 'Black Spiderman' otherwise it's all the same). Wow. I can't believe I'm 33 years old and just asked another grown woman to swap Spiderman stories with me. But I digress. 🙂
Dena, that is a really brilliant piece of advice. I bet they would love having stories in the morning. But I'm getting the sneaking suspicion I might hate it just as much, lol.
AMo, I am 33 this year, so no worries. One of the kids favorites is when Venom shows up on a holiday (say V-Day) but brings gifts appropriate for another holiday, and gets mad when people question him. So uhm, I hope you were serious about swapping stories 'cause there ya go!
Thanks for having me WWM, I feel so special!
Awesome! As usual!
Bahahahahhahhahaha! I love this! I live a parallel life! At least yours aren't asking for you to SING SONGS based on these stories like mine do! lol You are awesome!
Oh, you're definitely special, Not Blessed Mama. If for no other reason because you keep coming up with all of these crazy Spiderman stories! So glad to have you here.
Dena, I never knew about the chocolate in the morning. I'm gonna have to try that with other annoyances. Is that why we drop the kids off at school first thing?
AMo, I was just thinking that all the stuff that shocks us about being parents is what keeps this thing going.
KidLit, so glad you like it. When are you submitting?:)
-Tammy Soong
World's Worst Moms
That's great! I think it's a great idea 😉
I love it. I read my kids books before bed and I am so freaking tired of the Lighting McQueen books I feel like I need a few drinks before going into the routine. Damn Pixar!!!
I am totally with you. A couple of years ago, I started telling The Three Queens stories (I have 3 girls) each with their own castle, kingdom which border on their sister's, flying horses, and of course fairies and dragons. These stories were amazing and fun – at first. Then I started to get bored, but still managed to have fun by throwing in characters they had never heard of, but to me it was hysterical (like the entire story where the queens meet the Smurfs – I was amazed at how much I remembered from my childhood and the girls were very impressed.) Then I just started hating having to always think of something creative. First, I tried to get them to tell me stories. No way. Then I started telling them “Mommy's brain is tired, she needs a break.” Sigh….now occasionally, they still comment that I “never tell the Queens' stories anymore.” Damn straight I don't.
I love it! I also cannot deal well with the spawn's obsession (now passed along to spawn #2, who at age 2 talks primarily of “bad guys” and “ships” and “lasers” and “batman,” etc) with superheroes. nicely told! telling bad mommy stories is way more fun than telling bedtime stories.
Oooh, I think you're hilarious! I wish I could be there and listen to your stories, they sound great. Your children are lucky!