This submission comes from my snarky mommy blogger friend, Rachel Kargas, who writes Get Real Mama. Rachel really does put the “snark” in snarky. She even started our “Snarky Mamas Group” at the Mom Bloggers Club. I don’t know what else to say about Rachel except that she’s easily one of my favorite writers for the simple reason that she doesn’t take herself too seriously.
I so want to help you out with a story. Here is the problem. I can’t think of one story in-particular. But I do qualify for the World’s Worst Mom. It’s a culmination of the small things.
Like how I balled my eyes out when the ultrasound tech announced that my second baby was another boy. “Another boy?” I sobbed. “Yes!” she responded. “Oh look you’re so happy that you are crying!” she exclaimed. “No,” I wailed, “I just really wanted a girl.” I didn’t stop crying for a week. I should be ashamed. I am ashamed.
Or how I have employed one Mr. Diego and one Ms. Dora as my regular babysitters even though I told myself that I wouldn’t be that parent. Oh, no…not me. My kid’s won’t watch TV until at least the 1st grade….
Or how both of my kids learned how to stomp their feet and say, “Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!” by the time they were two. Where on earth did they learn that kind of language? Hmmmm….
Or how I have abandoned my attempts at homemade baby food, and now regularly serve the kids microwave pancakes and sausage because at least they eat it.
Or how my children seem to always arrive at school looking like poor neglected babes whose mother was either too drunk or too absent minded to wash and dress them properly. (Actually, I have just taken up the motto: “Pick your battles.”)
Or how I secretly dread the days when my life will be consumed with my children’s sporting events. Seriously I hate sports, unless there is beer involved, and I don’t think that would go over too well at little league.
Or how I sometimes forget to change the sheets on Evan’s crib until they start to smell like rotten milk.
Do I need to go on? I think you get the point.
I’m top-quality-gold-metal-World’s-Worst-Mom material!
Thanks for listening.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
I prefer wine at my kids sporting events. That's what dark-colored water bottles were made for!! Have you seen the new aluminum ones? Perfect for concealing “mama's patience”.
I haven't emptied out the diaper pail, so there are at least 6 diapers lying on the floor next to it. Don't feel bad about the crib sheets 🙂
I feel famouse! Wow! You like me! You really like me! Because I am a terrible mama! And I'm not afraid to admit it! Oy…..
Great Post. You are not a terrible mom, you are a real mom! How about when I was on bed rest, I taught my two year old how to use a mouse so he could play on the computer! Loved it.
I personally feel crib mattresses and sheets were specifically made to torture parents. I mean seriously. It's like trying to make a bed in a hole (and usually at 2 a.m.). So I don't even want to admit how many times I actually changed them.
Thanks again for contributing Rachel!
I can totally relate to the crying at the ultrasound. When we found out we were having twins I was really mad – seriously. I didn't want 2 babies, I wanted one. One baby could be in the Baby Bjorn while I took her big sister to the park, one baby could have her sister's old car seat, crib, and everything else. What the hell was I going to do with 2 babies. And worse, I didn't want to be one of those freaky mom with twins! Everyone stopping you all the time, “Are they twins?” “Wow that's a handful” and the best from a clerk at the grocery store (a man) “Did you have to have a caesarian?” Anyway, I got past all of that and, of course, love all three of my girls – and am one of those freaky mom of twins (But no I did not dress them alike – well, maybe sometimes). But I'll never forget how pissed off I was at being deprived my second child, singular.
Oh – one more comment. Sunny – top bunk mattresses rival crib mattresses. You don't even want to know the color of LadyBug's light pink sheet when I finally took it off to wash it. To put it back on, I had to climb my ass up to the top bunk. It is really high. And scary. Why do kids like those things?
Verity, you are killing me.
So, if that makes you the world's worst mom, then I must be a mom serial killer! OY!
I have three girls in one room- bunk beds AND a crib- top bunk wins but crib gets close second. I literally laughed out loud at the “making a bed in a hole” comment! Classic!
Okay Goddess, we're expecting some stories from you, then. Unless you've already killed all the children and hidden them in the basement. Then you're probably out of material.
And Lindsey: Damn!! A true authority to come in and settle the dispute. I guess Verity wins.
Ha! Wow, seriously I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you. Well… maybe a little of both. 🙂 I feel a little less guilty about the fact that my son went to school with last night's dinner crust still in his hair, so thank you for that!