Meet Julie McGuire of From the Mudroom. Let’s just say she took a rather “creative” and decidedly World’s Worst Moms approach to the whole “There’s a monster in my room” problem.
If I could give one piece of advice to all mothers of young children, never, ever purchase a home where the master bedroom is downstairs and your kiddies sleep upstairs. It will contribute to your early death. The distance may not seem far in daylight, but at two in the morning, it’s a long trek. I learned this the hard way.
We moved into our dream house, with our small children ages, 7, 5, and 6 months, with complete joy and anticipation. The thought of a master suite located on the main floor was the sanctuary my husband and I wanted and needed.
Be careful what you wish for.
It had been a long, sleepless first week. With one child teething and countless trips upstairs to either fill a water glass or scratch a child’s back, I was exhausted. Super Nanny would not have been impressed.
Somewhere between exhaustion and incoherent my middle daughter started whining about a “scary, green monster” that lived under her bed. He only appeared at night, she insisted, therefore she couldn’t sleep. She begged to stay in our room downstairs. I sighed. I had to nip this in the bud and be strong and consistent. If one child wanted to sleep with us, then the other two would as well. I didn’t want to play that game. I wanted to play games with my husband.
“Honey, there are no monsters under your bed. Monsters don’t exist. Only in silly, funny books,” I pleaded with her for the nineteenth time as I put her back to bed.
But she wouldn’t budge. Up and down the stairs I went that night carrying flashlights for us to inspect under the bed. My husband took over for a while until he realized any games we would be personally playing were about as likely as actually finding a green monster under our daughter’s bed. So once he checked out and the clock struck close to midnight I cringed as I heard the familiar cries of “MOM! I NEED YOUUUUUUU!”
I pushed back the blanket. I was tired, cranky and over it. Somewhere on the long journey from my bedroom to my daughter’s room I lost my common sense. As I tiptoed into her room she sat up immediately and said, “I hear him Mom! I need to sleep in your room!”
I grabbed the flashlight and started the familiar routine. This is when I turned into the mommy from hell.
As I looked under the bed and moved the flashlight around I suddenly let out a scream. I jumped up and yelled, “OH MY GOSH!!! THERE IS A MONSTER UNDER HERE!” I spun around and ran out of her room.
Needless to say my sweet child slept with us that night. She slept with us well into the next week. Super Nanny would not be impressed.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Oh My Word! This is the funniest thing ever and I have so wanted to do the same exact same thing on a couple of occasions but common sense always gets the best of me, but yeah, I totally want to do this…….but ya know, I probably won't. But awesome. I bet you'll both want therapy or at least a few good stiff drinks.
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Love finding new blogs through fellow bloggers! Just subscribed here. Glad to find you. And Julie – I'd love to hear the follow up of exactly how long it took to get past this. I'll tell ya – there are thoughts I have in the middle of the night that . . . well, let's just say they're better left unsaid! 🙂
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This is so funny! Great blog Julie…looking forward to reading your blog! Marylee
Hi Missy! Well, my daughter is now a senior in high school and she seems to have survived without any visable or emotional scars…but who knows? As my husband I always say, we save for therapy bills, not college tuition!
Julie
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Monster spray! When my son was little (he's a teen now), I used Glade room spray. I told him it was monster spray and it repelled monsters. He loved it. It worked because it smells, so the kids really believe that the spray will drive the monsters away. Loved this post. So funny!