Sexist, Egotistical, Lying, Hypocritical Pumpkin Patch

– Posted in: Angry Tammy, Conservatives are Funny, Cranky Tammy, Nevada, No Good Deed, Politics, Reno, This Is Supposed to be Fun, Worst Mom Rants

So Saturday, we finally made it to the pumpkin patch. Little background — we usually go to a pumpkin patch in town, but this year, we thought we’d try out a newish place on the outskirts that our daughter went to on a class trip. It’s owned by a family who live on their farm, so we figured we’d support the small guys.

Our first ding on the place was when we drove out on a Sunday and it was closed. Yeah. In October. And it’s a pumpkin patch. But we got over it. Tried to respect them for what we assumed were their religious beliefs (hey, if they’re buyin’ the farm, at least they’re buyin’ the whole farm — and I’m speaking figuratively here even though they do indeed own a farm).

So we planned our whole pumpkin patching schedule around making it to this place and finally got there on Saturday, only to drive up and find. . . a Romney/Ryan sign planted in their front yard.

This was not the way I wanted to start my pumpkin patch experience. Truly, if it weren’t for the fact that we’d waited, no joke, two weeks to come to this stinkin’ place, I would’ve bailed (and I know, enough with the farm references).

So we went in and tried not to think about all the money we were handing over to these jackasses. I mean, I’m sure they weren’t jackasses. I’m sure they were perfectly nice people. Perfectly nice, completely uninformed, religiously orthodox, “totally insensitive to the discomfort they could possibly be causing their customers” people.

The thing is, I’m cool with businesses professing their political leanings. It’s a ballsy move in this climate. There’s a restaurant in Reno called Nu Yalk Pizza that’s owned by a big-time Dem who doesn’t hide his leanings, but anybody who’s lived here for more than six months and pays attention to that sort of thing already knows it.

The beef I have with the pumpkin patch is that it was so sneaky. First you drive forever. Then you drive down a dirt road. Then you park. And THEN, as you’re walking into the place, viola! Surprise!

Um, hey kids. . . looks like we need to. . . leave?

Truth be told, we probably could’ve gotten our kids to bag the whole mission (let’s just say they watch The Daily Show with regularity and are more informed than most eligible voters). Which would’ve been the right move since things just went from bad to worse.

Sorry Spookley — you’re a little too queer for the Romney/Ryan ticket

See, the pumpkin patch had a little theme running through it based on a book called The Legend of Spookley the Square Pumpkin. It’s one of those cute books that adults love to read to kids so they can feel like they’re teaching them lessons about not judging a book (in this case, a pumpkin) by its cover and seeing the value in everyone despite their differences. Yes. Adults love to read these books. And then never take the advice themselves.

And this is where I just lost it. Because the fact is, if you are on board with the current Republican party, if you are supporting the Romney/Ryan ticket, you don’t like people who are different. You like people who are the same. You don’t like gay people, Black people, or immigrants. You don’t like Muslims, atheists, or scientists. You don’t even really like single mothers or poor people.

So the idea that these folks would base their pumpkin patch on the inclusive ideals of a little square pumpkin who saved the day and then spawned a new generation of dearly loved, diverse, and original pumpkins is despicable. Or at the very least, completely lacking self-realization.

I’m sure Spookley would tell me to just let all of this roll off my back (even though things can’t really roll off him, being square and whatnot). But the fact is, I’m just a little too annoyed, especially after dropping fifty bucks on the place.

In fact, if Spookley were here, I’d probably just toss him at their sign.

11 Comments… add one

Jen October 30, 2012, 12:34 am

I literally just giggle-peed at the thought of you finishing this post just to satisfy me before I (try to) go to bed. Need to go change pajamas before finishing comment. Please excuse me…

Okay – I love, love, LOVE the fact that your kids watch the daily show. You really are my favorite worst mom ever, and if I ever meet you, I hope you are fully prepared for a good ol’ fashioned dry leg humpin’, because that’s what you’re getting. Drooling, snorting, and all.

Unfortunately, I didn’t want to download another ungodly program just to watch those videos, but judging from the “NEWS” they had flashing across the bottom of the screen, Spookley is a big effin deal this month with all the bullying and whatnot. Applause to him; even if he IS “a square” and being taken advantage of by some magic underwear pushing creepers. Bullies are bad, m’kay?

I would probably have sucked it up and suffered the same fate after waiting two weeks to get in. It would almost seem like a magical forbidden place after that long. I almost imagine that it would be like me finally going to the Roloff Farm ( and not seeing any of them.
It would make me feel super-duper stabby. The only reason for the inconvenience is the awesome you expect behind the curtain. When it turns out to be a crotchety old man, AND you had the shoes on the whole time… Well – You just have to punch something. Kudos to you for not getting arrested!
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Tammy November 3, 2012, 5:14 pm

It is amazing that I didn’t punch anything. But there weren’t many options. I mean, I like most animals, so that wouldn’t have been fair.

Kelly O'Sullivan (HILWD) October 30, 2012, 5:58 am

$50 bucks to see a pumpkin? Damn. You should have asked how much of that money was going to be used to offset the loss of public funding of things like FEMA and healthcare since their apparent party believes the private sector is going to swoop in a save the planet. 😉
Kelly O’Sullivan (HILWD) recently posted..Storms Are A-Brewing, Voting Day Is A-Coming, And My Husband’s Car Tried To Kill Me—It Must Be HalloweenMy Profile

Tammy November 3, 2012, 5:15 pm

I love that they don’t like FEMA until they need it. Such an ant vs. grasshopper thing.

Kelly DeBie October 30, 2012, 6:44 am

Oh….I could go so many ways with this one.

I’m a little surprised you drove down that long road. Was there a banjo playing??? I’m picturing one. Or Veggietales. We’ll go with that, because they are better at preaching to kids about the stuff adults ignore. 😉
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Tammy November 3, 2012, 5:16 pm

Ughhhhh. I loathe Veggietales.

And there was a banjo playing. In my head.

Erika October 30, 2012, 6:58 am

Oh my lord…which pumpkin patch is this?? We’ve gone to the one on the south side of town for several years and each year it’s more of a death trap. Yikes.

Tammy November 3, 2012, 5:17 pm

Okay, now the SOUTH side is a whole different matter. That place is like the anti-family farm. Swoop in, swoop out, turn yourself into a Christmas tree lot after the 31st. It’s like a carnival.

Carol the long winded October 30, 2012, 8:53 am

And we were invited to an event (last night damn it, my brain lied to me that it was tonight) to an “Odin chasing the Valkyries through a corn maze.” 🙂

Tammy November 3, 2012, 5:18 pm

Damn the corn mazes.
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Cheryl S. April 24, 2013, 8:15 am

You are a far stronger woman than I am. During trick-or-treating, I encouraged Keri and her friend to go up to a door, because the people who lived there (erhrm, used to live there) were pretty cool…so she did. As we were leaving she noticed a big Romney/Ryan sign. She got upset because she wanted to return the candy but couldn’t find it.

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