I just saw the second episode of Parenthood. Watching the couple whose son has Asperger’s was, well, painful. And not because I was having flashbacks about when Newt was diagnosed with autism or because I related to their journey in any way. It was painful because — and this is going to sound so Judgy Miss JudgesAlot — they’re sucky parents. And now, because their son’s been diagnosed, they’re going to blame every one of his undesirable behaviors on his Asperger’s when they should really be looking at their lousy parenting.
There’s a dinner scene that I’m almost afraid to show Tenzin without giving him a glass of wine first. It’s so stressful. And, again, not because young Max has Asperger’s. It’s because his parents can’t even pull it together enough to give Max a single instruction (try the food on his plate that apparently isn’t one of “his” foods) and then a consequence if he doesn’t. They argue back and forth with each other and their two children, negotiating the situation, until Max ends up taking tiny bites of the food he apparently could never eat before and “earning” an extra hour of TV. Then he leaves the table, against his father’s instructions. And here’s where I’ll have to refill Tenzin’s wine glass — the father throws up his hands in defeat. Because your 8-year-old son is kind of like one of the adults you work with or meet on the street — if he doesn’t do what you want him to do, well, whatcha gonna do?
This is where I truly start to go crazy. I’m not saying that Max doesn’t have Asperger’s. But I’m guessing he’d have a lot fewer problems if his parents could pull it together and grow at least one spine between them. Unless I’m misinformed, there has never been a case of death by starvation in this country due to a child being served food he didn’t like. The idea of a kid having “his” foods is asinine. And as for the mystery of why Max absolutely has to wear a pirate outfit to school everyday, his mother says she’s tried everything to get him to take it off: begging, pleading, bribing, rewarding. Nothing works.
Interestingly, there is this crazy little word that tends to be effective — “No.”
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.