Meet the very funny, very pregnant Mom in Rome. She’s due in a couple of weeks and is nowhere near having her nursery finished. Which is just one of many reasons why she always seems to find some amount of safety and comfort here at World’s Worst Moms. . .
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| Courtesy of Mom in Rome |
I swear.
I tried.
I went once.
And twice.
But. . .
After not being able to breath for two hours during never ending breathing exercises — well. . . yes I have been having a nice, pleasant “rhinitis of pregnancy.”
After not having been able to find my perineum muscle (if you know where and what it is, you are a lucky woman — if you’ve survived up to now without knowing it, I am pretty confident that you can do the same from now on).
After looking at myself in the mirror while I was doing important excercises such as rotating my wrists and moving my neck back and forward (I totally looked like a helicopter with a pink skirt on).
After still not knowing how to change a diaper.
After getting all stressed out by hearing many, many different problems that may happen to me during the labor.
After increasing my fears by listening to other moms-to-be’s questions (And what if? And when if? And how if?).
After watching my husband being kicked out of the room (yes he was!)
I decided that the “birthing class experience” is over.
IT IS DEFINITELY NOT FOR ME.
I AM GIVING UP.
I am out of there.
I will figure things out some other way.
Besides, I’ve already learned more from my blog readers than I have from that class.
And you know what? I’ve also had much more fun!
So am I already a bad mom. . . before I’ve even started?
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
I hired a doula, so I wouldn't have to remember any of that sh*t. And from watching shows on TV, like “Baby Story,” I could tell that the men are (mostly) totally useless, so no sense in relying on them. I came out of there with a brand new squalling bundle and a deep hatred of my annoying doula (“Do… not… say… I… am… cresting a mountain! Say… it… again… and… I will kill you!”) – instead of a deep resentment of my incompetent spouse.
I am a mother of three, and I never took a birthing class. My kids are totally fine, and the only thing that you will be concentrating on is getting.the.kid.out.of.you! Plus, I wanted to punch the nurse in the kidney every time I heard her say, “DON'T PUSH WITH YOUR EYES!” Ha! I wanted to push with every fiber of my being. Do it your way. That's the only way that matters.
I only went to the birthing classes for the free swag. They bribed us new moms with free diapers, wipes, pacifiers, bottles, diaper rash cream, cooler bags for breast milk, …….lots and lots of stuff at just about every visit.
I took a birthing class with my first child(currently pregnant with my third) and don't feel that I used anything I learned in the class when it came time to have him. The breathing exercises were stupid, I thought, and I think I did more laughing during the class then I did learning. I left like a goofball! *Plus to top it off, I was the youngest at my birthing class and I didn't like the way people stared at me the first time so I sure wasn't going back a second or third time!
Sounds like a crappy birthing class. (My doula was awesome for my second birth, btw) Don't worry about the nursery either. At least with my kids, they were never in that room enough to justify decorating it (although telling my mother the theme was “Communism” was pretty satisfying.) I do miss having a crib as a convenient holder for clean laundry though.
BTW, my 9 yr old went to the park in his pajamas yesterday.
These classes are a rip off and useless. Your body will do what it needs to when the time comes. You will find yourself knowing what to do. And yes, the blogging community out there is far more helpful!! Good luck my dear.
I remember nothing(!) from my class. Well, that's not true. I do remember there was a local television newscaster in the same class, but I don't *think* that qualifies as useful.
We got lots of free stuff at every visit. We were all very well bribed. bottles, bibs, magazines, pacifiers, diapers, wipes….the list goes on and on, every visit to the labor and delivery classes was like a baby shower.
Just gotta mention iMentalMommy. . . “Don't push with your eyes”? How does a person push with their eyes? I'm going to have to try that the next time I'm trying to get the kids to do something. “Come on! Put your eyes into it!”
And hekates, I can't believe your mother fell for the “Communism” thing. I mean, red is a completely unsoothing color for a bedroom. . . 🙂
I didnt make it thru the class either, and I successfullly had 4 babies, 3 naturally. You will be just fine! 🙂