As I’ve mentioned before, ever since we changed schools, Elfie periodically asks me if I’ve made any new friends. She, incidentally, seems to be developing what sounds like a production of “The Real World — Kindergarten Edition.” There’s the boy she’s in love with and now apparently kisses. There are the mean girls who tease her for having a boyfriend and wearing crazy clothes concoctions (she apparently just shrugs her shoulders and smiles at them). And then there’s the girl she sits with at lunch because she can’t sit with the other girls because they were already sitting where there was only one space left, so someone had to move to the other table. . .
But back to the issue of me. It’s been more than two months, and I still haven’t really made any “friends.” This started to freak me out. I mean, I see plenty of people everyday at pick-up and drop-off. We chat. A little. Granted, at our last school, it took a while to settle in and get to know people. But I was beginning to wonder if I was doing something to put people off. I mean, what the hell? I have to be friends with the parents of my kids’ friends, right? When you get into a new school, you get the phone list, you make play dates, and pretty soon, you’re all on a girls’ night out. Right?
Wrong! It suddenly dawned on me: when I was a kid, my parents weren’t good friends with any of the parents of my good friends. Not one. They made all of their friends before we got to elementary school or through other avenues (church, clubs, etc.). But we were never their matchmakers. I was talking to a friend about this, and she came up with the same result for her parents. I don’t know how widespread it is, but I’m just going to go ahead and pretend it’s epidemic.
So now that I’ve come to the realization that I can keep my old friends instead of trading them in for new ones just because my children are at a new school, I feel a huge sense of relief. No more forced conversations in the parking lot. No more worry about who I might be annoying with the Obama sticker on my car. No more nervous stress over meeting the strange parent who comes to Newt’s birthday party.
Funny thing is, my conversations in the parking lot have become much better. Probably because I don’t have that “trouble acting normal when she’s nervous” thing going on anymore. Because why should I? I may need new phone lists so that we can invite the kids’ friends to birthday parties. But my real friends are already programmed into my cell phone.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Good night, I had such a hard time trying to force myself to make new friends when we moved to SF. What horrible pressure. I enjoy being who I am far too much to try to tone it down in order not to shock people. I feel you are the same way, and that I was I absolutely enjoy about being around you. Some people are so honestly and wonderfully who they are, it is a shame to try to cover it up!