Problem Child

I had a professor in grad school who was the most hardcore, old-school journalist I’ve ever met. I was terrified to walk into this guy’s class with the possibility of not having one of my facts straight. I’d make source phone calls on a story until businesses shut down for the evening. And I’d consistently pull all-nighters to make sure the writing was the best it could be. He scared the bejeezes out of me. And, of course, I learned more in his class than I did during the rest of the program.

In 2004, I heard that he’d died of a heart attack. It was right in the middle of the Bush administration’s chokehold on the media, and all I could think was, my journalism teacher had died of a broken heart. I could just imagine him getting to the point where he just couldn’t bear watching the circus anymore. Couldn’t handle the White House memos being read on the air like news reports, or the press corps cowering in the briefing room like nicely dressed rabbits, or The Daily Show being the most reliable form of news on TV. Couldn’t watch what used to be one of the most important legs of our free society crumble with barely a peep of protest.

I bring this up because I’ve been wondering, and definitely not hoping, if one of my deeply dedicated cohorts in the Democratic party is going to suffer a similar fate. This time, as we watch our legislators muck up what we thought was un-muckable.

As I’ve said before, I don’t expect things to change overnight. I didn’t even expect things to change in a year. But what I would like — and I regret using this metaphor due to its sexist nature — is for our representatives to grow a pair.

If there’s one thing I’ve hated about being part of the Democratic party, it’s the whining. Oh wait. And the sniveling. It’s like being at a support group for kids who got picked last at dodgeball games. For eight years we cried and complained about how the Bushies were destroying the country because they had all the power and we couldn’t do anything about it. Then we took over, and what did we do?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to play by their rules. If we’d gone in and started acting like King George and pushing everything through and around and over the Congress the way he did, I’d be pissed. I’m all for trying to work together. Everyone deserves a chance. “A” chance. Not twenty chances.

Unfortunately, the Democrats on the Hill are like bad parents. They want their child (the Republicans in this scenario) to eat his vegetables because he’s been eating junk food all day. The kid doesn’t want to eat his vegetables. So the parents explain that eating the vegetables is important because if he doesn’t eat right, then not only will he be unhealthy but the rest of the family may suffer if, say, he gets sick and has to stay home from school. This doesn’t faze the kid. So the parents go on to explain the entire food pyramid and how vitamins and minerals work in the body. Kid doesn’t care. Parents start getting worked up — you must eat your vegetables. Eat them or else! Kid pushes the food around on his plate, stalling for time. Parents move into begging mode: Come on, don’t they look good? Maybe try them with a little butter? Kid continues to pout. Exasperated parents offer the kid a cookie if he’ll eat the vegetables. . . three bites of the vegetables. . . okay just one. Okay, just taste them. Great job, honey! Wow. What a good boy. See how well things turn out if everyone just works together?

And then the next day, they wonder why he throws a tantrum when they tell him “No” at the toy store.

It takes someone with a backbone to send the kid to bed with without any supper.