So the other night, my daughter, Elfie, picks out A Little Princess. For those of you not familiar, it’s the story of a little girl whose mother is dead (of course) and whose wealthy father sets her up in a nice English boarding school before (if I remember correctly) going off to war somewhere. So I explain to the kids what “boarding school” is — since we live in the western United States and they’ve never heard a thing about it. And they can’t freaking believe it. They’re reeling. They start crying. The very idea that people would send their kids off to live somewhere else is unimaginable to them. Even the thought of living without their dad and me is completely upsetting.
And then the other night, I decide to tell the kids about the Chilean miners. We’re looking at a pretty likely chance of a happy ending, so I figure I’m safe. But the whole thing is really quite emotional, and we all end up sitting on the floor together, crying while we watch everyone get reunited with their families. And then my son starts imagining how terrible it would be to have his dad down in a mine for 70 days (and people wonder why I don’t let the kids watch the news or scary movies — yes, it’s a mystery).
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| Photo by Scott Liddell |
So I started thinking, is it weird that my kids feel this way? I kind of feel like so many other kids — and this could be a completely incorrect perception — already can’t stand their parents. Or at the very least have been convinced that they shouldn’t like them because they’re supposed to be too grown up for that. So it occurred to me that maybe, once again, we’re making the kids weird. And then I thought. . . I really don’t care.
Because things are moving fast enough as it is. With every task they can now do by themselves, every book they no longer need me to read, every pair of pants they put in the give-away pile, they’re getting closer and closer to that place where sleep-away camp sounds like no big deal. And family trips feel like torture. And going away to college can’t come soon enough.
We have a really close-knit family. Hopefully it’ll stay that way for a long time. I suspect one or both of the kids will “hate” us for a number of years during adolescence (which makes me very sad to think about). But for now, I’m grateful that they’re crying over boarding school and mine rescues.
Because I can guarantee, I’ll be crying when they’re not.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Do most kids not like their parents? I didn't think that… especially for kids as young as ours. But, regardless, being close knit is never something to feel 'weird' about. It's a magical thing, whatever the age. x
Your labels always make me laugh and your posts make me feel. What gorgeous people you are growing at your place 🙂
no – your kids aren't weird (unless mine are as well, which is very possible). I was talking about college with my 8 yr old and he asked if there were any colleges around here (we live outside of Boston, so the answer is, yes, like a thousand). He wanted to know what the closest one was, so he could live at home. I told him that by the time he was 18 he'd probably want to live at college, live and study with his friends, etc. He violently shook his head no.
You know what? That's totally ok with me. As it seems to be with you 🙂
Okay, so we're not freaks (at least for that reason). I guess I just see so many “hard” characters portrayed everywhere. It makes me question whether or not our kids are odd. But it just goes to show that kids really don't change. Just maybe the adults in the world around them, trying to make them grow up faster. And trydefyinggravity, my son says the exact same thing about college. He's totally worried that he can't live at home, and I've explained that he won't want to.
My kids go back and forth between feeling their independence and clinging to me as if I were fly paper. I think it's totally normal. And I expect it to continue until they're at least 40, 'cause at just past that, there are still days when I just want a hug from my dad.
That said … A Little Princess? Best. Book. Ever. I read it for the first time when I was seven and have gone back to it over and over and over again.
Your post made me cry. I think about this all of the time. It is going to be so hard to watch them grow and to let go. It just isn't fair!!!
@Rosemary: I don't know why I assume they're going to dislike these books. I guess because the language is “old.” But they really seem to love all the chapters so far. Even the boy, who is currently obsessed with Capt. Underpants.
@Getrealmommy: I know I've done my best if I make YOU cry. Not that you're not a big sap.
Your kids are not freak ,unless mine are too, which of course they might very well be:)My kids go ape shit at the thought of their father and I leaving them..ever, unless of course Grandma ChaCha is the babysitter…then they pretty much don't care what happens to us..at least until Chacha runs outta candy:) My girls love The Little Princess.It was my favorite book as a child as well, so I have started reading it to them. Happy Mothering. YOu are not making them weird…you are making them loved!
Oh, so nostalgic now! I loved A Little Princess – I so wanted to be her, despite the attic and the boarding school. As a kid, I thought boarding school sounded fantastic – now that I have my own kids it seems tragic… go figure.
Peryl
@Truthful Mommy: Ugh, it's been really, really hard ever since my mom died because we don't have that “person” who's like having the next best thing to us. She was special.
@parenting ad absurdum: There's something romantic about making a place of your own in a dingy place like an attic. The reality isn't so romantic. And the flip side, of course, is some horror movie. But, yeah, I remember feeling like that as a kid. Of course, I also wanted to run away and live in a tree.
Kudos for teaching your children compassion and empathy. That is what they are learning through thier tears. And they recognize how lucky and blessed they are to be a loving family.
But be certian – you will be an embarrasment to them soon enough! That is to be expected – but they will never really hate you. Even if they have to pretend to be cool. You are sharing and supporting them way too much for that.
I agree with you – this culture is raising up kids to disrespect thier parents and other people.
Spoiler alert – I read the original peter pan to my kids which where Tinkerbell calls someone an ass. Just FYI. (SMILE)
@CJ: I always knew that Tinkerbell was a bitch. Actually, the Disney version drives me nuts. All the girls are totally cattyy and jealous. It's really annoying. And of course the kids love it.
My six-year-old Girly is always telling me she wants to live with me forever. I've given up on telling her she's going to eventually run screaming from here and desperately want to have a place of her own when she's older. Now I just smile and tell her we CAN live together forever! I'm taking the adoration while I can get it.