Three Dwarfs of the Apocalypse

I am cranky.

There’s no good reason for this. I have a new job, and I just kicked butt at my latest assignment. I slept for 9 hours straight, which is practically unheard of. And we went to a birthday party where the kids (and Tenzin) got to bounce around and whack each other with (non-sexual) blow-up toys while I hung out with people I actually like. So what’s the problem? Too successful? Too much sleep? Children too happy? Perhaps it’s because we’re heading toward the winter solstice and with the shorter days, I’m experiencing some seasonal affective disorder. Perhaps my body is freaking out because the only exercise I do is carrying laundry baskets up and down the stairs and the only thing I eat on a consistent basis is cereal. Perhaps I’m simply a pain in the ass.

I’ve been experiencing these little episodes for years, and I’ve at least come to realize that they’re relatively short-lived and not terminal. There were times, in the past, when this escaped me. Still, I have to remind myself that the feeling of every little thing around me suddenly being annoying or completely overwhelming will indeed pass. And when that happens, I won’t care if everyone didn’t pick up all of their toys, art stuff, and everything else they pulled out and didn’t feel the need to put away (I will attempt restrain myself from throwing it all in the garbage until I’m feeling “sunny” again). And I will find humor in the discovery of poop in the bathtub. And I will feel excited about emptying the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, and doing five more loads of laundry — again. Well, if not excited, at least not filled with loathing.

Truth be told, I actually have what many would consider legitimate crankiness, due to the fact that I’m currently in a considerable amount of pain. This tends to happen after I’ve pulled out all the stops for a while (like when I was doing this last job or even when we’re on vacation). It’s kind of like the crash after a sugar high. Not that knowing this ever stops me. Or ever will. It’s just the nature of the beast. And the reason why Tenzin gets the Dalai Lama award.

And, truth be told, staying crazy busy distracts me from the fact that I’m in considerable pain, thus warding off some of the crankiness. It’s a sick little circle of destruction, like a bunch of Ugly Dolls chasing each other around a track. Every once in a while, one catches up to the other and beats the crap out of it. But if I can keep everyone moving at the same pace, they just lumber along like teenagers in a P.E. class, complaining that no one’s felt this bad since the Bataan Death March.

Ironically, I’ve been told I look like Snow White, so it’s fitting that I’m finally acquiring a few dwarfs. Cranky, Busy, and Ouchy. If I can’t figure out the other four soon, I’m sure Tenzin and the kids will be able to supply me with a few suggestions. I’m guessing Bitchy, Snappy, or Pushy. Or maybe Ignorey or Loony or Sleepy. . .