Tired and True

Last night, I slept well for the first time in five days. I’ve had insomnia, which is exacerbated by Elfie, who crawls into bed with me and then proceeds to talk in her sleep, throw punches, pull our covers on and off, lie on top of me, and have yelling nightmares about people eating her blankey. The truth is, insomnia or not, I usually don’t get nearly enough sleep because — and this is a complete failing on my part that cannot, for once, be blamed on the children — I stay up embarrassingly late and can’t seem to make myself go to bed at a decent hour. Actually, I can blame some of it on the children because the habit really solidified when the late night hours after the kids went to bed became my only “alone” time. But I’ve always felt and worked best at night. So it’s hard to put things down.

I don’t know why, but Tenzin and I seem chronically sleep-deprived. He works nights sometimes, so at least he has an excuse. But by right, with no howling babies and a fairly light work schedule, we should be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed most of the time. Except for the fact that we don’t go to bed before midnight. . .

Speaking of a “light” work schedule, I quit my job! Yes, I’m like one of those teenagers who works at a fast food restaurant — lord only know how long she’ll actually stay employed. I’ve determined that it’s in my nature to be self-driven and entrepreneurial. In other words, I’m insubordinate. Actually, “doing it all” started taking the joy out of everything. And because I’m in the ridiculous position of being able to work for “fun,” when it’s no longer fun, it’s no longer worth it.

So now I can actively concentrate on things like getting to sleep at a reasonable hour so that I don’t fall asleep during Elfie’s ballet class. Coincidentally, I was just making this pact with myself when I read an article in the Huffington Post about chronic sleep deprivation being used as a weapon to keep women from taking over the world (okay, so it wasn’t exactly about that, but it did talk about how we’d all be much more successful if we got more sleep). So my plan looks like this: sleep like a normal human, start feeling better, stop getting so annoyed with family members (especially in the morning), become wildly productive and creative, find an agent for my children’s books, send our Happy New Year cards (missed Christmas), clean/organize/torch the home office, put away the rest of the Christmas stuff, and hang the pictures that have been in boxes for three years. That should take care of Wednesday.

I sure am glad I quit working so I could get some friggin’ rest.