To Boldly Go. . . To Get Free Pastries

I’ve had, on numerous occasions, delusions of grandeur wherein I take the entire family on a year-long trip around the world and blog the whole time. Before kids, Tenzin and I were relatively big world travelers, so I’ve had these crazy dreams about trekking around the globe with the kids and letting the world be their school. But we just got back from our trip across Nevada, and after only four days of adventure, I’m having my doubts. Pathetic, I know.

First of all, we’d need our SUV to carry all of our stuff (which would add an entirely new level of horrible to just how “ugly American” we could get). What’s really scary is that I was kind of trying to pack light. How we ended up needing enough supplies to decimate a small hotel room in just 24 hours is beyond me. Every time we packed up, all I could think was, “How do people carry everything they need for The Amazing Race in just one backpack?”

Second, blogging on the road is really, really hard. Even when I could hook up to the internet, it was spotty. Which didn’t end up mattering because I didn’t have time to write anyway. With all of us in one room, one car, and never apart, I started to get a slight understanding of how the people in Anne Frank must have felt (obviously without the “possibility of being caught and killed by Nazi’s” aspect). If you think your relationship with your husband has started heading toward “friend” status, just take a road trip. You’ll start to wonder how pioneers ever had more than one kid. We gained a whole new appreciation for our alone time after the kids go to bed. For one thing, we couldn’t gossip about them. And they make for some pretty good gossip.

Third — and this is the most important one of all — the kids would be just as happy driving a few miles from our house, checking into a hotel with a pool, and eating the continental breakfast the next morning as if we saw every cathedral, museum, and wondrous wonder in Europe. Okay, I’m exaggerating. Sort of. According to them, this trip was just a good as our 10 days in Hawaii. The smokey-aired, cloudy-watered, over-chemically-treated, 100-year-old indoor pool was just as good as Hawaii. In their defense, the hotels did have Fruit Loops, so how can you argue with that. I know in time, I’ll start hearing about other things that have sunk into their spongy little brains. But for now — hotel, pool, continental breakfast.

Truthfully, I’m grateful that the kids are equally happy being in “paradise” as they are in the middle of BFE. But it looks like for now, the monks of Tibet, pyramids of Egypt, and waterfalls of Argentina will have to wait. Unless everyone suddenly puts in pools and gets better internet access. And we all learn to pack a little lighter.