Makeup Makeover — How I Tried to be Girlie

– Posted in: Beauty, First World Problems, Personal Insanity, Tammy Thinks

For about two days last week, I tried really hard to care about putting on makeup. Two days. And then I cracked.

Good thing I’ve never had to quit meth or smoking.

I’m not much of a makeup person. I only started wearing mascara in 8th grade because of peer pressure. The feel of it on my eye lashes almost drove me insane. I think foundation smells like perfumed chalk that’s been soaking in the sink. And don’t even get me started on lipstick (she says, as she gets started on lipstick). If you line my lips, it looks like someone accidentally put them in the wrong spot on my face. And when the actual lipstick is on, I look like a clown. It’s what happens when you’re naturally alabaster and don’t have to paint your face white in order to get that classic circus effect.

I’ve tried, over the years, to learn how to apply and wear makeup, but nothing ever seems to work. I’ve walked away from so many makeup counters with my face looking like the Joker’s sister that I finally just threw in the towel. Now I just go to Target, close my eyes, grab something, and hope for the best. So far, it’s save me a whole lot of money and worked out almost as well (at least according to my poorly lit bathroom mirror).

Makeup Makeover - Failed Attempts at Trying to be Girlie In truth, so much of this has to do with pure laziness. I’m not a complete makeup spaz. I mean, I can clean-up and look acceptable when necessary, but doing it every, single morning? That just seems like a lot of work when the only ones who are going to see me are 1) other parents dropping off their kids at school (and that’s through my bug-splattered windshield), 2) the guy who always talks me up at the grocery store, and 3) the dog.

But just recently, while doing that dangerous activity we all know so well — surfing the internets — I landed on Sarah James’ blog, Whoorl. Sarah is beautiful and pulled together and knows how to do things that girls are “supposed” to know how to do, like curl their hair and put on makeup. She’d done this tutorial on “Soft and Pretty Makeup,” and I got sucked in.

“I could do that,” I thought. “Yeah, sure, I could do that every day. I mean, I think she looks fine without the makeup, but if she goes to all this trouble it must add to her overall happiness and sense of well-being, not to mention world peace in general because, really, happiness and sense of well-being are based on the domino effect, right? So when you think about it, it’s sort of my civic duty to wear makeup…”

So for two days, rather than just throw on some lotion, lip balm, mascara, and blush, I upped my game — tinted face cream, under eye concealer, bronzer, eye shadow, and lip gloss. And I tried covering up some of the annoying zits that I escaped as teenager but am apparently making up for now. And I even threw on a little powder foundation (I have a plethora of old, random crap in my bathroom drawers).

And hey, I looked pretty good! I was sort of glowy and dewy (at least according to my poorly lit bathroom mirror). And it didn’t take all that long. . .

Sort of. . .

It was worth the extra five minutes of lost sleep. . .

Kinda. . .

. . .

Yeah. . .

I’ve heard it takes 21 days to make a habit. If I’d gotten a bunch of positive feedback from the dog, then maybe this would’ve stuck. If I were the kind of person who didn’t go out of her way to avoid washing her hair because it took too much time out the day to dry it, then maybe this would’ve stuck. If I could put glowy and dewy at the top of my list, then maybe this would’ve stuck.

At least it all bodes well for my future chances of taking up meth or smoking.

Tammy Soong Gives Up on Makeup

Sorry folks. This is as good as it’s gonna get.




21 Comments… add one

Jen September 4, 2013, 10:17 pm

I’m the same way, Tammy. If I put any makeup on, it’s to cover my zimple scars and accentuate my eyes because I’m going to be surrounded by strangers for hours on end and I love the looks of shock and horror I get from the things that just came out of a “pretty girls” mouth. I usually forget I’m even wearing it though, and end up wiping half of my eyeliner across my face at some point. I’m special.
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Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:22 pm

Yep. If I do have it on, I forget and it gets wiped. And of course no one bothers to say anything…

Verity September 4, 2013, 10:25 pm

My make up is too: cover the dark circles under my eyes, to hide my red eyelids (love allergies), and so you can actually see my eyes behind my glasses. Dewy? Patooey!

Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:21 pm

See, I always thought the advantage of glasses was that you didn’t have to worry so much about eye makeup. At least that what my husband claims…;)

vanita September 5, 2013, 3:43 am

Tammy, girlfriend, the only time i wear makeup is if I’m heading out somewhere with my mom because if i don’t she’ll nag “why can’t you put on a little bit of makeup. look pretty” hmmph. my momma’s telling me that i need makeup to look pretty. yikes! oh well.

Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:20 pm

What is it with mothers and makeup? And hair? I need to write this down and put it on a calendar that I’ll see in 10 years so I’ll remind myself to shut up about it with my own daughter.

Cheryl S. September 5, 2013, 5:21 am

People should wish to look as good as you without makeup! I’ve cut back my own regimen from bare minerals foundation (still the best I’ve ever found), blush, eye primer, shadow, liner and mascara, plus lipstick to lipstick, mascara and eyeliner. That’s it. Suck it if you don’t like it. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:19 pm

Exactly. Revolution!

DebS September 5, 2013, 12:02 pm

Yep, me too. I’ve tried 50 different mascaras and I aways have dark circles by the end of the day. Just doesn’t work for me. Luckily I am not “expected” to wear it anymore. When I was working I felt compelled to do it, but now I don’t even own any!

Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:18 pm

But you look lovely au natural…

Andrea September 5, 2013, 4:39 pm

Oh my gosh, I was just thinking a similar thing about my hair today! It is not worth getting it cut if I still have no idea how to style it, but it looks like crap! Maybe if I did the makeup thing I could distract from the bad hair!

Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:18 pm

I hesitate to cut my hair because if it’s too short, I won’t be able to put it in a pony tail. That’s my lazy hair story. So I’ve got nuthin’ for you on the hair thing.

Andrea September 8, 2013, 6:07 am

Wait. You mean, lotion, lip balm, mascara and blush AREN’T considered makeup? Well, then I’ve been lied to. I have a similar routine to yours except no blush and sometimes instead of chapstick I put on some lipstick. I don’t even have a dog to tell me I’m beautiful.

And I think you and your skin look great. So there.
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Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:17 pm

See, this is the number one reason to get a dog. Increased self-esteem. They always think you look great as long as you take them on walks.

rachel September 8, 2013, 6:44 pm

It makes me sad how much makeup I have to wear in order to feel pretty these days. 🙁 I now understand when people say they feel naked without their makeup. aging blows.

Tammy October 2, 2013, 1:16 pm

I remember my mom not wanting to go to the grocery store unless she was made up and wondering what the hell was wrong with her. Yes, aging blows.

Elle January 13, 2014, 1:37 pm

There’s got to be the exception that proves the rule, right? Well that’s me. I put a touch of tinted sunblock and a dab of lipstick before I go for my early morning walk. Even when it’s dark as I start out.
I’m so used to make up that it feels weird without it. Not to mention I probably look weird too. So I won’t…mention it.
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LindySez January 13, 2014, 1:43 pm

I would say, if you are used to being without make-up then putting it on you would look “overdone”. If you are used to wearing it, then not having it on you look “underdone”. Maybe what you are doing is “just right” for you.
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Jessica January 13, 2014, 4:39 pm

Oh, how I can relate! I only started wearing makeup earlier this month as part of my Courage 365 challenge. I don’t why, but I always felt like an idiot in makeup. I would see its beautiful effects on others, but I would always refrain from using it myself because I never felt like I knew what I was doing, and at 30 I should know what I’m doing, right? That’s what I assumed, but with my project, I’m learning to be okay with possibly looking like an idiot in my new makeup.

You look great anyway, so just do what you’re comfortable with, what makes you happy! That’s the best advice!
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Cher January 13, 2014, 4:42 pm

I am right there with you… I own makeup but find it is too much trouble to put on or wash off!
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elaine schoch January 13, 2014, 7:29 pm

As good as it gets is still pretty good. 😉
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