Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Battery

CC, who sent us these stories, has already shipped one of her kids off to college — the other is still at home, busy being a giant ball of hormones. But when CC started racking her brain for World’s Worst Moms ideas, she decided to reach back a little bit. She says she has a mind like a “steel sieve” after years of work and motherhood, but she seems to have some pretty clear memories of the toddler years. Practically every parent has had at least one of these moments of complete humiliation — when she realizes her child is actually a human tape recorder. 

Honestly, I have suppressed some things, so I thought I would start small. My eldest, who as a toddler had already turned stubbornness and procrastination into an art form, spent a day getting into anything and everything. She had no nap. Therefore, I had no nap. Caffeine was wearing off. I had been reading a book about how the most common toddler word was “no” because they copy you when you (ahem) raise your voice. I was determined to stick to distraction and positive reinforcement.

I turned my back. Bad things happened to the VCR. I screamed, “OH GET A HOBBY.” Next doctor’s visit, she tells him to “Get a hobby!” And I had to explain.

AND. . .

It’s not my story, but an acquaintance and her hubby used to fight in front of the kids. . . no filters. Their magical thinking was that they were in the front of the van and the kidlet was in her car seat not paying attention. At a holiday dinner, tot said, “Milk!” as a request, and grandma asked the tot, “What’s the magic word?” Tot proudly announced “F***!”