On September 15th, my cousin drowned at Lake Almanor, California. This is day nine of my experiences during the week that followed.
We start to feel a sense of urgency. Search and Rescue has told us Logan would surface Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, and this is the final day. It feels like a giant clock is ticking.
Our friends drive all the way from Dayton with their boat to help search. We go out in groups and shifts, scanning the water, willing him to show up. My cousin and his friends walk the shoreline. My aunt goes out to look but stops when one of the officers tells her she shouldn’t be doing it.
Being out on the lake is disturbing. The water is dark, like someone’s poured ink into it. And when the wind comes up, the waves hit the boat with such force that I suddenly realize how easily he could’ve been knocked out. I look out on the water and along the shoreline, scanning the nooks and crannies of docks, feeling like I’m playing a horrible, real-life game of Where’s Waldo.
I’m freaked out on the boat. I try to tell myself I’m not, but I am. Suddenly the lake seems like a deep, dark pit that wants to suck me down into it. I wonder if I’ll ever feel okay on the water again.
We come up with nothing.
My aunt talks to Search and Rescue. They’ll send out the CHP helicopter if the wind gets so bad that the boats can’t be on the lake to search. But for now, that’s our best bet. And as it turns out, our window is extended a couple more days. All of this “surfacing” stuff is just an estimate.
Our friends from Dayton tell me about some people from Idaho who find drowning victims with super-duper, high-tech sonar equipment. It’s the same stuff they used to try to find the Loc-Ness monster.
That night I talk to my husband. He’s understanding about everyone going out to search but relieved that none of us found him. It’s an experience that he doesn’t think any of us should be having.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.