"I'm going to keep these dinosaurs. Just because they're the ones from Nan, so they're special to me." My 11-year-old son, Newt, is going through a box of toys, figuring out which ones to give away. When he says this. I actually feel my entire body relax. My mother died five years ago on July [...]
One Less
November 8, 2013 – Posted in: Family, Getting Older, Grief, Growing Up, Sappy Tammy, Tammy ThinksMy aunt died. My great aunt. She was 97-years-old, suffering from Alzheimer's, and I hadn't seen her in four years. And yet, I'm crying my eyes out. I don't understand myself sometimes. It's like I'm a giant lake, held in by a structurally questionable dam that breaks at the exact times when the engineers predicted [...]
Why I’m Tired of 9/11
September 11, 2013 – Posted in: Family, Grief, Logan's Story, Memories, Mom dying, Momless, Personal Insanity, Tammy ThinksLast night, right before I turned off my computer, I saw a Facebook post and remembered -- oh yeah, tomorrow is 9/11. And this was the first thought that entered my head: Damn it. I am so sick of 9/11. The last thing I want to do is post something on my page about it. [...]
Depression — No, You Can’t Just Go Rub Some Dirt On It
June 11, 2013 – Posted in: Chronic Pain, Depression, Getting Older, Grief, Growing Up, Tammy ThinksYesterday, I found out a friend of mine from college died. She was on a 5-mile run, collapsed right before the finish, and never woke up. I feel terrible for her family. For her husband and three sons. For her parents. For her friends who are "her people" and will feel this the most. I [...]
How I Happened to Survive a Tornado in Oklahoma City
May 21, 2013 – Posted in: Grief, Life is Dangerous, Memories, Personal Insanity, Tammy Thinks, Worst Mom RandomnessHere's a not-widely-known fact: I was born in Oklahoma City. Now you can all go hack into one of the random accounts I safeguarded with that drop-down question... I only lived in the great state of Oklahoma for two years, and I really don't recall much -- shadowy memories of walking out of a bedroom [...]
The Best Mother’s Day Present? It’s Over.
May 14, 2013 – Posted in: Family, Grief, Grown-up Friends, Guilt, Holidays, Logan's Story, Momless, Personal Insanity, Stuff I Probably Shouldn't be Thinkin', Tammy Thinks, Worst Mom RandomnessSo Mother's Day is over, and all I can say is, thank the gods. I know most moms look forward to Mother's Day. Probably because they're normal and well-adjusted people who are totally chill about spending a nice Sunday with family, getting an over-priced piece of jewelry designed by Jane Seymour, and maybe going out [...]
Carry On: Six Months without Logan
March 15, 2013 – Posted in: Gratitude, Grief, Logan's Story, Personal Insanity, Tammy ThinksSecond post of the day, but not for a very good reason. It's been six months since we lost my cousin, Logan. It's funny that we use that word. Lost. Like finding the person is an option or possibility at some point. "Lost" conjures up a temporary condition. Maybe that's why we use it. We [...]
“Find Me If You Can” — Book Giveaway Winner!
January 1, 2013 – Posted in: Children's Books, Grief, Worst Mom GiveawaysI love that my first post of 2013 is news that I think all of you are going to be happy to hear, even if you had nothing to do with this giveaway. Last night, after midnight, I had Elfie pull a number out of a bucket to choose a winner for the Find Me [...]
We’ve Moved on from Newton — and that’s Okay
December 15, 2012 – Posted in: Grief, Worst Mom RantsI remember hearing once that when someone close to you dies, people take care of you for about six weeks. They call, come over, make sure you're okay. After that, everyone sort of gets back to business as usual, and the only one who's really left with your grief is you. Since everything in the [...]
When You Wish Upon a Blog
December 11, 2012 – Posted in: Blogging, Chronic Pain, Complaining, Cranky Tammy, Grief, Holidays, Logan's Story, Personal Insanity, Sappy TammyLike an innocent little schoolgirl, romping 'round the playground, I've been smacked on the back by a bigger, stronger, faster kid and declared "It" in a brutal game of tag. Okay, that's not entirely accurate. But bullying is just so "in" right now. My friend, Kelly DeBie over at DeBie Hive has tagged me in [...]
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