Tales from Ambien Land

So I’ve been using Ambien a lot lately. Maybe it’s because of the rippin’ bad headaches. Maybe it’s perimenopause. Maybe it’s too many “root beer floats” made with coke and coffee ice cream at bedtime. It’s a mystery.

Anyway, if you’ve never had Ambien, it’s a unique experience. When you take it, you may start to feel a little sleepy. Maybe all the letters on your computer screen will start to move around a little. Maybe you’ll wonder if someone’s playing Pink Floyd next door.

Regardless, you may convince yourself that you’re still totally awake and coherent. In fact, you may feel alert enough to, say, read a few blog posts and make some completely tangential comments. Or write some incoherent emails. Or post a few stony observations on Facebook (that no one even bats an eye at, which is frankly all the more disturbing).

You may even have enough energy to, oh, have sex with your husband. Or order $800 worth of clothes from Athleta. Or walk downstairs and have a bowl of Cheerios.

But the weird thing is, the next morning, you won’t be entirely sure any of it happened. That is, until you see some remnant of it — like a half-written post or a weird email or a dirty bowl. Aaaaaaand then it all comes back…

Anyway, one reason I’m sharing all of this is because I made a new friend today. She found me through the magic of the internets, and it turns out she’s got Ambien stories galore. After I read them, I quickly realized they weren’t the kind of things I could keep to myself. It’s like when you go to the movies with friends, buy candy, and then hork down the entire box. Sure, at first it’s thrilling to have candy all to yourself without any kids pawing at you, but later you realize you would’ve felt so much better if you would’ve shared it. Plus then your friends wouldn’t hate you for being a hoarder.

So here are a few choice stories from Cheryl. She’s ramping up her blog, Snarky Girl’s Rants and Raves, and it’s equally worth the read.

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Told my then 14-year-old son on an unremarkable date in September that if he did something for me (no idea now) that I wouldn’t ask him for anything until November 27th.  ???

Told my husband that my daughter’s life-size Edward cutout (which I absolutely love, go Team Edward) was looking at me all “judgey,” and proceeded to scream as they chased me around with it.

Mumbled, face down, ass up on the bed, about how “hard it was, felt like I was climbing a mountain and couldn’t breathe,” until my husband flipped me over and wow, what do you know? I could breathe?

And lastly, noticed my daughter’s dresser drawer was open, across the room, so decided I must close it.  Apparently I decided to RUN to close it, missed it by two feet, and hit my head on a picture frame. 

Am I proud? No. Will I give up my Ambien? No. freaking. way. 

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Got an Ambien story? Lay it on us!