Second post of the day, but not for a very good reason. It’s been six months since we lost my cousin, Logan.
It’s funny that we use that word. Lost. Like finding the person is an option or possibility at some point. “Lost” conjures up a temporary condition. Maybe that’s why we use it. We can’t bring ourselves to lay it all down and just accept it, so we talk in euphemisms. We say “crossed over” or “passed away.” And then there are the idiots who tell kids that people or animals “went to sleep.”
Anyway, I’m terrible with dates. The other day, I had to ask my husband when our anniversary was (I know, guys — dontcha wish you were married to me?). But it hasn’t mattered whether or not I’ve known this exact day was here or not (I have, incidentally). I’m like a dog who knows when it’s time to wake up the kids for school or get her nightly treat. I just feel it. And this week? It felt sucky.
The thing is, it was sucky for a lot of people. Maybe a butterfly flapped its wings one too many times in the Amazon rain forrest or the Mars Rover caused a shift in the universe by digging up rocks. Whatever the reason, I know I’m not the only one who’s having a rough go.
So I’ve got two songs for everybody today. The first one is for Logan. The second is one that my friend Kelly sent to me after Logan died. I’m sending it back to her and to everybody who’s “in it” right now.
- If someone you love has just died.
- If someone you love died a “long” time ago (because it still hurts like hell — don’t let anyone tell you differently).
- If you’re having problems with your marriage.
- If your marriage is over and it’s still causing you problems (because of course it will).
- If your kid is sick (because then you’re sick with worry).
- If your kid is having a hard time (because then you’re having a hard time).
- If work is stressing you out.
- If work is so boring that it’s stressful.
- If the world feels like it’s spinning faster than it should be, and you’re standing still.
- If you can’t get rid of “the heavy.”
I’m sure I’ve missed lots of things. But those are a few of the problems my friends have hit me with this week. It’s hard to feel too sorry for yourself when you know you’re in good company.
Thank you for being my good company.
We miss you Logan. The world’s still here, but it’s not the same.
Tammy Soong is a writer, wife, and mom from Reno, Nevada. She takes an absurd amount of pain medication, but not enough to have actually named her children "Newt" and "Elfie." She spends most days stressing out over clutter, writing stuff for this place, and working on podcasts with her gal pals, the Blogging Betties.
Thinking of you and your whole family today. A wise friend once told me that no matter how hard right now is, no matter how much today hurts, you never ever have to be right here again. xoxo
Kelly DeBie recently posted..In Defense of Ugly Crying
xo
I must have felt it, too. Yesterday I was thinking of you and your cousin Logan. Even though I never even have met either of you…just, you popped in my head. Hugs
Ginger recently posted..Cookies anyone?
That’s just because we’re psychically linked.:)
xo
So sorry for your loss Tammy. That is sweet of you to pass on some love to others who are also hurting.
Susanne Nelson recently posted..Friday Fiction #11: Beware the Ides of March
Thanks Susanne. You know better than anyone — it’s rough all over.
I woke up with sickening thoughts of the loss of my nephew.
Some days, it’s all I can think of.
Love to you, dear friend.
I’m so sorry we have this in common. I love the other stuff we have in common so much more.
Lumineers (with this song) were on Ellen yesterday and we watched the official video.
I had been thinking about “losses” yesterday…had the same thought about the word…it’s not temporary and I know where they are…or at least where they are not…here.
Well said. Actually, perfectly said.
I often think of how things are with you regarding your cousin since I started following your blog around the time he was lost. Those posts were so raw and emotional and I could tell they helped you through that time.
Much love and prayers to you and your family. I know exactly how an anniversary affects life, even though you might not be aware of it.
Andrea recently posted..The C Word
Thank you Andrea. They really did help. Sometime it felt like they were the only thing that helped. You’re a writer. I’m sure you get that.
xo. sniffle. xo.
molly recently posted..No, Mom. I didn’t take the toilet paper
xo.
oh, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I like both of those songs and think they are perfect. Thinking of you!
Rachel
Rachel recently posted..Living the Rock N’ Roll Lifestyle…
Thanks Rachel. Thanks for hangin’ in there with me.:)
I followed your family’s tragedy on FB, my hopes rising and falling with each new account. Two years into grieving the loss of my oldest, dearest friend, my father died the month before Logan. Loss is a wound that doesn’t heal. But as your song said so beautifully, we just keep moving on…Bev
I’m sorry you had to go through that, Bev. I hope it helped to know you weren’t alone.
And yes, we just keep moving on.
Beautiful tribute. You all carry on his essence, you know that, right? I wish it could be more. Read this. It made me smile and gave me a little comfort. And it was a very bad, terrible, awful, horrible week for me too.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=664937253533363&set=a.245341028826323.78833.241711025855990&type=1&theater
Hang in there.
Cheryl recently posted..More Summer Reading that You Should be Reading if You Are Not!!!
I LOVE that Cheryl. You know me well.:)
I’m sorry you had such a bad week. Like I said, it was something in the air.
Yes, those butterflies need to rest for a little bit. So sorry for your loss and hope you continue to find some comfort in your incredible memories.
Andrea recently posted..Random counter clutter
Thanks Andrea.xo
This was so moving and lovely, it was an honor to read it. Your family is lucky to have you to ensure a good man’s memory is shared widely and deeply.
Thank you so much. That was a beautiful thing to say.