And the World Kept on Spinning…

So I’m back in the saddle. At least that’s the plan. Research shows that if a person smiles, it actually causes her brain to think she’s happy. So in keeping with that theory, I’m just concentrating on doing what I do best — writing, complaining, yelling at the kids — in an attempt to start feeling more like me. It’s just science.

So what have you guys missed during this long, silent week? Well, we still haven’t found Logan. They brought in the “big guns” — a sonar system that can even see anchors at the bottom of the lake — and still, we have nothing. The good news is that I’ve successfully compartmentalized this entire situation and don’t think about it until it’s brought up. All those years, toiling away in the employ of Her Majesty’s Secret Service have truly served me well…

We got our first big break from our well of bad-dom when we went to see Michelle Obama speak at the University of Nevada, Reno. Thanks to a friend from the ’08 campaign, we got some VIP tickets. Being in the “good seats” helped (and seats is in quotes because there are never seats at these things), but we still got there around 8:30 a.m. and waited about three (yes, three) hours for her to speak.

When I run the world, this won’t happen. By the time we got to the main event, Newt was “done.” Afterward, when he was able to recap what she said, I was shocked because he spent most of the time slumped over. The two of us headed for the exit as soon as it was over (mainly so I wouldn’t have many witnesses when I killed him) and left Tenzin and Elfie to fight the crowds. At the last minute, Tenzin held Elfie over everybody’s heads, and she shook Mrs. Obama’s hand. Apparently Michelle made a big effort to reach Elfie and said, “Oh, I even get the little ones!

So it all turned out well, but between the wait and having to restrain myself from beating the hell out of some lady who came in about an hour later than everyone else and shoved her way up to the front with her two daughters (because in her universe that’s okay), I think it’ll be my last event. Either that or I’ll just go see the Romney’s — they only attract a few hundred people so getting in is no big deal…

Last week was also school pictures, which turned into quite a production. Usually the kids just put something on, comb their hair, and we send them off. Unfortunately, with all the hubbub, both of the kids looked like street urchins. And Newt’s signature piece of clothing, the suit jacket (his choice, not mine, I swear), had suddenly become too small.

So it was a mad dash to get haircuts and find clothes, the latter of which I suck at. Newt was easy — we hit Kohl’s. But since he got something new, Elfie got it in her head that she needed something too (and based on the options I saw in her closet, I didn’t entirely disagree). Let’s just say four stores later, I set foot in Justice for the first time, and we found her a dress — hippy chic, just her style.

As it turns out, we’ll probably have to get Newt’s pictures reshot because the annoying photo people made him do one of those “show your teeth” smiles that make him look like a used car salesman. He said he felt like he had no choice because they were the “adults in power.” Such a crappy line to walk as a kid. I told him next time he could tell them to piss off (although I didn’t use those words and was much more diplomatic).

So that’s what you missed. Groundbreaking, I know. The thing is that this week, I was proud of myself to be able to do a little bit more than just go through the motions.

Because when life feels like a giant rock on your shoulders, just being able to stay in motion at all is generally good enough.